Fairyland

THE ROUTE

 

Stan and Walt have an itch to visit Oxford, think it will be interesting, different. Walt, more computer literate than Stan, Googled Oxford and almost crapped. 'Hold on, Stan, let's think about this, calmly. There are thirteen states in the USA that have cities, towns, villages named Oxford and Canada has three of its own. Let's go wild and really do something different, visit all the Oxnians this summer or would they be Oxen or Oxnards?'

 

Stan speaks with a slight lisp. Walks sort of swishy. He gives Walt a soft, easy hug and shows a great enthusiasm for the long rides, beautiful sunsets they will see and the different people they will meet. Walt slows him down. 'How much time can you take off this summer, Stan? Give a guess what you think this trip might cost. We'll need lots of maps, reservations. I'll have to put my car in the shop for a good going over, buy new tires. We would have to share it all. What do you say, Buddy?' 'Oh, Walt, Honey. You are so much smarter than I am. You plan it. I'll pick up lots of maps at Borders.' Stan's eyes light up. 'Hey, if we can swing it, we can let a travel agent arrange it for us. They could even make reservations in good motels, recommend eateries. Isn't that a good idea, Walt?'

 

'Sure, sure, we could do that but I like the challenge and can Google every town, find out how many people live there, their religions, their incomes, where the lakes are, so why should we pay a travel agent to plan for us? Buddy, Boy, how about your other summer plan? Didn't you try out for a stock production of Cabaret?' Stan gets a tiny bit teary when he replies, 'I didn't get it.' Walt offers sincere condolences and the past becomes the past.

 

'Let's go over the locations on line. Come here, sit close while I do my Googling.' Stan moves closer. 'Stan, I can't type and read when you sit so close. Move back at least a few inches.' Stan grudgingly moves back. 'How about we look into Georgia, N. Carolina, MD for the first lap and  CN and Maine if we want to go further–or–we can start in the mid-west ALA, Idaho and Kansas. Finding the states won't be hard, some  of the pipsqueak towns may be back in the hills, making mash. Move over. You are too close.'

 

Oh, Walt. You are so smart. Are you positive we have to have twin beds? ''Damn right, Stan. Ask me one more time and I go alone. You know I like you, Stan. You're fun and easy going. I can relax with you but not in bed, on the floor or in the shower. You're a careful driver too, so we can take turns at the wheel...and Friend, if I ever have to remind you to keep your hands on the wheel, leave my leg alone, I will leave you off at the very next bus station. Then my amby pamby will have to find his way back to Essex, won't you Kootchy Boy?'

 

Stan gives me a serious look and asks me if I know there is an Essex in England, too. 'Walt, Google Essex next and maybe we can do Essex next year.'