Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Help!

MERCY, MERCY
 
Daddy is waiting for me near the cellar door. He's a smart man but this time, I am smarter. I put on wool sox, leave my slippers in the hallway and sneak down the steps to the landing, stop, stand very still, very quiet. His cough and loud voice calls me again. 'Come down here, my little Chickadee, NOW!' I slip my feet into my new high top tennees and, not caring too much if he hears me or not, run out the front door.CooperationI know he hears me but doesn't chase after me. Mother calls me too. 'Come back in here, Child. Daddy promised me he won't hurt you.' Maybe he will, maybe he won't, I don't know and run around the corner, wait there until my daddy drives away. Whew! That was close.
 
There's a strange taste in my mouth. I spit on the pavement and just see spit. My pal, Shirley, sees me, stops to talk about the geography work we had to do for homework today, She looks at me and asks, 'Why is your mouth bleeding? Did your father hit you?' 'Bleeding?' I ask. 'It's not bleeding. Mom knows I hate it but gave me tomato juice instead of orange for breakfast.' Shirley makes no comment and we walk the rest of the way to school in silence.
 
I don't raise my hand to answer any of Miss Crawford's questions. In fact, I try hard not to open my mouth at all. For weeks I've been teased called 'snaggle tooth' because I ate an apple and lost a tooth. My father tells me he can already see a new one growing in but I can't and can't feel it with my tongue either.
 
My mom has been giving me soup for dinner every night since I lost my tooth and I don't like soup, except chicken soup with noodles. She mostly buys canned soups like green pea, tomato bisque. Celery soup is the worst. She tries but can't make me eat that one. Don't ever tell her but once I found a little bug on the kitchen floor, squashed it and put it in my celery soup. Thank heavens, she emptied the entire pot of soup down the garbage disposal.
 
This is Friday and Friday we always have lamb chops. Those I like a lot but Mom doesn't give me even a baby chop unless, unless I let my daddy take care of my other front tooth. 'It's hanging by a thread. Honest, Child, it will take a second and won't hurt at all. My father took out my top front teeth when I was 7 and look at me now. See how straight and white they are?' Mom gives me a big, big smile and I get her mad. 'White? Mom, you have false teeth.' She drops the subject and my dad takes over. He picks me up as if I were a feather and stands me in the dining room corner. From his pants pocket he shows me a thin piece of string that he ties to the hall door and says, 'Open your mouth now, Daughter, or I will glue it shut forever. That loose tooth is going bye bye before you swallow it.' He is fierce, angry and I know he means business.
 
I drop to the floor, beg him, make crazy promises if only he will let it fall out by itself. His ears are closed. My loose tooth barely knows he is putting a thin string around it. I am so scared. Mom walks in, opens the door to see what is going on and zip-zap my tooth is pulled out of my mouth. It didn't hurt and didn't bleed at all. Daddy tells me to put it in a clean napkin and then under my pillow.'The Tooth Fairy' may visit you during the night so go to bed now. Sleep tight.' I don't and I hear my mom come into my room, tip toe to my bed and stick something under my pillow. I don't move and am sure I'll find at least one dollar, maybe two, under there when I get out of bed.
 
Instead there is an envelop from my Mom AND Dad. She is making a big pot of chicken soup with lots of noodles for tonight and is going to bake a chocolate cake especially for me. There are two one dollar bills folded into a fan that I don't think Dad knows about.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

No fun-A Deadly Game

THE GAME
 
Let me tell you about the game. Maybe you know how to play, you might be able to tell me the rules.  I, we, don't have any...but that doesn't stop us. How many can play? That point isn't clear, but it seems to be working with two. The thing about it is it's a murderous challenge-a time element. We are at it almost constantly, never having a day offto relax and forget it. I said there are no rules but retract that statement. There is one- SECRECY, utter top-drawer secrecy. It goes  on and on and he doesn't know for sure if I know he knows I'm playing. And I can only guess and wonder if he knows I know he knows.
 
Today I scored big, made lots of points, but am left in mid-air with my befuddled mind not sure if I'm one up or one down. My stomach aches as the constant quest makes the gray, slimy snakes inside hiss and spit. Merely writing about it sends dangerous sparks, shivers to electrify my brain. The possibility of being found out can make me tense, nasty. Did I do well? Do I give myself a star? I know he got his revenge (his pleasure) and he isn't even around. Maybe I'll find out, maybe I won't. If I do, and I tell him, his point is forfeited. Or is it?
 
Just my discovery becomes a plus for him and a negated positive for me. So where am I? Surely, defining the game will put an end to it. If you are still with me, I think you deserve to know (oh, but I am so afraid to tell..you might tell him) how I score myself. Promise me, promise me, you won't.
 
 A deep breath- I have a little piece of paper that I keep hidden in plain sight- face down-on my dressing table- that today shows four days of play. It reads:
16     white           a.m.   Wed.    brown
 7     tip                a.m.   Thurs.  shoe
13     white           a.m.    Thurs. brown
14     blue             p.m.     Sat.    blue
Hah, so you thought this game was easy, a minuet for two? I am boggled myself and I am the only known player.
 
Well, I said I'd explain and I will, but I can't. I'll try again. What I (we) are doing is playing a child's game, but a ruthless adult version of Hide and Seek.  He is always the 'Hider'.  Oh, he is sly! Oh, he is sneaky! As soon as I reveal my code, you'll understand. Dare I? Are you in suspense? Do you care at all what a hell I'm in, how my life is bound to this stupid game? Somehow I know there is no escape, even if he finds out. In fact, that is a scary thought in itself.
 
I deviated from my purpose and return to quietly tell you the code. White is light–mild. How difficult it is to say the word. I'll wait a little longer. 'Brown' is coat; hah, shoe is shoe; tip is strong and blue is simply blue coat. Do you see the ugliness yet? Does the timing of the hunt clue you as to its aim? No? Well, think. First they are here. They go and come back, increase, change, move brown shoe to blue, for no apparent reason, except to challenge me again. Yes, he's clever. The
whites, I think, are decoys and only change now and then. I'll tell you.
 
I search endless for the deadly, doom-bringing, ugly, absolutely forbidden cigarettes.There I did it! Somebody else now knows what is tearing me to pieces. Somebody else can understand why the secret must be kept, why I can't call it quits, and  must keep on looking and watching for a change in pattern.
 
It has become a daily ritual, an unending misery to stop this totally winnerless game. But DEATH will do it.  And then...whose arm will be extended, upraised in victory?
 
I know it will not be mine !!!
 

 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Won't?

MY PRIVATE WORLD
 
Not that I didn't expect it, I did, for 15 long years, with a lot more distress than joy. But the day came and I was stunned being a widow. I just couldn't believe it. My husband knew that the big clock outside his room was counting off his hours and seemed to not mind at all. He was ready, really ready to find what happens after his last breath whithers away. One of the few quiet mornings in his room when the nurses still pumped drugs into his arm, he turned his head to me and asked, 'What are you gonna do when I leave the building, Rose?' I gathered my senses as best as I could, and told him what I expect to do, but made no promises. Too fast and foolishly I laid my plans before him.
 
'Gil, I am going to have to go on, maybe sell our house, get a smaller apartment, travel, live as well and as happily as I can. I'll have to make new friends, widows like myself. Maybe I'll get a job, do charity work.'
He never blinked an eye, showed no emotion but managed to say, 'Good that's what I want you to do. You will be gobbled up by a strong, healthy dancing king and maybe you will be happier than when we were together. Let's pray for that, shall we?'He closes his eyes and tears run from their corners.
 
Gil passed the next day. That first lonely night I shivered, pulled our blanket tight around me, moved close to his side of the bed and let the river flow. Gratefully our children took over, arranged the funeral. I, too, got busy, refused to be a grieving blob, silently begging for company, the name of a widower. Our son stayed with me for two weeks, helping with papers, taking Gil's clothes to Good Will. My half empty closet began to depress me more and more so I spread my clothes out on the racks wider, wider but did not fool myself. The walk for one is long, empty but I walk our area on sunny, warm days, look at the trees, the weeds coming thru the green grass, I see the blue sky and the huge ball of red fire as it sinks in the west, turn around and go home alone. Oh, how I hate unlocking the front door, until I see one message on my recorder. I rush to return our son Jerry's call. He picks up the phone at once and gives me good news.
 
He's coming to visit me next week for three whole days, if I don't mind. A happy scream almost bursts his ear drum. 'Dad left things in pretty good shape, but not good enough. His will was at your attorney's and we have to get that cleared. 'How's Wednesday evening. I'm renting a car and you can have your baked lasagna ready for me. OK?' He emails me details and I shop the way I used to, where I used to. I feel semi-alive again.
 
Jerry arrives and we hug, we gab. He gives me a present. It's in a fairly small box with a big polka dot bow. I open it slowly so maybe I can use the bow for something some day. 'What is it?' I ask. 'Mother, for god's sake it's a cell phone!' Our conversation gets tight. I don't want a cell phone. I'm never going to use it. Please take it back and get something for yourself, like a new woman.' He thinks I'm joking but I'm not. 'I am NOT going to use a cell phone. I have phones in 4 of my six rooms.' 'But, Mom, it's wireless. Suppose you fall or have a car accident or just need AAA because your car is dead.' 'Jerry, don't use the word 'dead' right now.'
 
He doesn't let up, nags me. I feel like hitting him over the head with his new contraption for me. 'Mom, I can't return it. Look at this. I've programed it for you, have phone numbers of your doctor, AAA, neighbors, good friends, mine, of course. Give me other names and numbers and I'll show you how to put them in to the cell and call them.'
'Don't you get it, Son? I don't want it, will never use it. Electronics and I are in different worlds.'
 
Together we enjoy a glass of Chianti, a fresh salad (not one from a pre-packed plastic bag) and savor, enjoy the large lasagna I have loving made for him. Our time together is far too short. We settle problems and he is ready to leave. I hug him, kiss his cheek, hand him a double wrapped frozen  package of my lasagna.' He smiles and tells me to put it in my freezer for myself and has the guts to tell me he is never going to eat it. He's going on a diet. 'Go on a diet after you eat it, Jerry. You aren't going to eat my lasagna and I am not going to use the cell phone you are trying to push down my throat.'
 
He waves goodbye. I wave back and find the damn cell on the kitchen table. I'm never going to use it but put it in my every-day purse.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Strong Colors Blend

BLACK JACK
 
He's big, brawny and gleaming black. His skin shines. I picture him as a lumber jack, chopping away, heaving a hatchet over and over as a giant fir falls to earth The ground shakes and Jack's whole body quivers. He sighs with regret, moves aside, guides workers to get the chains around it. 'Up, Up, he shouts. Mournfully he moves on to the next tree and tries to remove his visions of the sawing, the houses that will be born, the furniture that will be built to fill the houses. But my conception of Jack is way off base.
 
As fall nears, I am aware his step down the street to the bus stop is faster, his whistle sharp and happy. And why not? He is the Manager of the Balfour Arborarium and more than that. It is bulb planting time and he just loves dirtying his clothes, his hands. Jack plans during the summer what will bring thousands of Marylanders to see his tulips, the beautiful cherry trees exposing their pink and white faces as they greet the visitors.
 
Fall fades too fast. I don't see Jack out walking when a December snow storm paralyzes the city. In fact, I don't see anyone during the temporary burial of Baltimore. The nice overly-weight day worker my wife and I have on Mondays and Fridays is holed up in her own apartment, doing for herself what she does for us, vacuums, washes clothes, changes the bed clothes and naps a lot.
 
March arrives a bit to nippy for the tulips to draw their usual throng of visitors. Reisterstown Road is a major traffic problem. It's crooked, narrow, has only one lane each way and tries to service the  heavily traveled town as best it can. The mushy snow turns it into Hell's kitchen.
 
 
 
 
 
Black Jack is worried about the spring garden showing. There is a large picture of him in the Sunday paper as he covers his delicate babies with strong plastic sheets and sits in the cold to watch their growth. At last a whiff of spring time appears and Black Jack disappears.
 
The Sunday News shocks our community. Black Jack is ill, very  ill. The grand opening of the gardens will be delayed as the community waits for him to preside. Friday headlines are larger than usual. They are decorated with flowers of all kinds, His picture is on the front page. His obituary notice takes the place of the next meeting of some kind of hinky dincky political club. A notice explains the Board has voted to allow only one grave to be built in the park and that will be a memory to Black Jack. It will eventually have a black wrought iron fence around it and a 'thank you plaque' will be displayed on a concrete pole.
 
Blakc Jack's last request is honored. He did not want a wooden casket. Jokingly he remarked to the custodian while he was able–'I don't want another tree destroyed for me. Make mine casket out of metal or plastic.' And so it came about, Jack got the love, the honor he deserved.
 
My family and I visit him every spring along with those in wheel chairs, using canes, riding bikes, pushing baby carriages. He was a 'Man of Color' with black skin, white teeth, blue eyes, rosy cheeks and a heart of gold. He is already missed, I watch the tulips sprout. This spring they rise as one large American Flag, red and white stripes. A field of  white poppy stars work their way thru a field of blue  geraniums.
 
Our beloved Black Jack loved us and the America that gave him hope.
It was a good exchange.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Smile time

FADING AWAY
 
Thunder roars and booms. Lightning streaks across the darkening sky. There is no rain yet and I wonder what can be delaying it. The park is almost empty, at least the part I'm in and I am scared, too scared to stay and too scared to ride my bike home. Each lightning bolt seems to aim itself my way. My Daddy taught me not to stand under a tree in a lightning storm because the tree attracts the lightning. He told me to run fast, get in somebody's house. I can't run. I have my bike to take care of. 
 
Before the lightning began I was sitting quietly by the fish pond, talking to the biggest gold fish. I named him Willy and, honest to goodness, he knows me. As soon as I sit down on the pool's edge, he  swims to me, opens and closes his mouth and surely wants me to feed him...but I can't. There's a broken sign that says, 'Please don't feed the ..sh so I don't. And Willy might not like peanut butter and jelly. Somebody, and I know who, stole the 'fi' off the sign. I've seen those letter glued on Mel Fine's wagon. He's a thief. I also saw him take a box of Good 'n Plenty off the candy counter at the movies, didn't pay for it and never offered me a single candy.
 
Why are my thoughts away from where they belong? I should be figuring out a way to get home without being struck by lightning or drowned when the rain comes pouring down.  What will happen if the lightning really hits the fish pond? Will Willy and the other fish be cooked? I grab my ears and bend down low. That last thunder almost split my ears open.
 
Am I going nutso? Do I see a speck of blue way off where the lightning starts? Yes, yes. It is getting a little bigger, not much but it makes me feel a tiny bit safer. The lightning doesn't care too much for the blue sky and zings, pings thru the dark sky. I hear a terrible noise that had to be where it struck something, maybe our house.  No, No, god wouldn't let that happen, wouldn't let me be an orphan, would he?
He heard me. God must be a mind reader. The sky is getting bluer every minute. I am saved. Maybe I can ride my bike home soon.
As I am about to try it, I see the most gorgeous rainbow that ever covered the sky. Somebody, anybody, come see what I see. There are two rainbows at the same time. This is fragalistic! Oh, if only god would let me walk up one and slide down the other, land in our back yard, I would give up my allowance, always speak softly, nicely to my parents
 
and IF–
                           If I could do as I please,
                           Just feed the fishes,
                           I'd run up one rainbow
                           Slide down the other
                           Be home on time
                           To do the dishes !
   
 
Bye Willy! Bye Everybody! By god that was a cute poem, wasn't it?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Gone !

GOTCHA !
 
Barry and I are sound asleep, spooned and content. Our five year old twins daughter are played out, their little tummies filled with their favorite meal, burgers on buns, with sweet gherkins and potato chips. I stir. Something is pushing me, crying, 'Mommie, Daddy, let me sleep with you.' It's Jane. She doesn't wait for my answer which was going to be, 'No, go back to bed, and climbs in, squeezes between Barry and me. He doesn't hear or feel me move way. I have no time to resent it, just smother Jane in my warm arms. 'What's wrong, Honey. Do you feel sick? Did you eat too many pickles?' She doesn't answer but her forehead is warm and her hands are cold. I'm a bit worried but not enough to wake up Barry or check on Lili. Jane is restless, holds on to me until the sun rises and shines on her face.
 
'Mommie, let's go see if Lili is ok.' ' Of course she's okay, Jane, why shouldn't she be? Let's go get her.' We get out of bed and go to wake Lili but she isn't in her bed. 'Jane, go down to the kitchen, see if she's there.' 'No, you go, Mommie.' We go back and forth 'you go', 'no you go', a few times until I, the mother go. 'Are you two playing a trick on me? If you are, it isn't very funny! Call your sister, call her now.' We both call. There is no answer, not a peep from upstairs, not even from Barry. He can sleep thru just about everything.
 
Barry complains when I open the bathroom door. He yelps that he nicked himself. 'Barry, something is wrong. Jili isn't in the house.    Jane slept with me all night because something frightened her in their room, really scared her. Get dressed. Get dressed NOW! I'm going out to look around, ring some doorbells. Jane, you stay here with Dad.'
 
Nobody has seen our daughter. I dial 911 for the police, frantically explain our Lili is missing. Tears almost choke me.  A police car arrives in what seems forever but is only fifteen minutes. They take all the info I have, which is none, her description and then talk almost baby talk to Jane. 'What frightened you last night, Little Miss Jane?' a tall, skinny officer asked. 'I saw a shadow on the wall and Lili told me it was from the tree outside our window, but we don't have a big tree out there.' Mommie let me stay with her. Are you going to find my sister, Mr. Policeman?' He looks at me, then at Jane and tells her the truth. 'We are sure going to try.'
 
By the end of the week photos of Lili are on every pole, lamp post, on buses, in the paper. Good people send us money in case a ransom message comes in. I thank them all and return what I can. My eyes are dry because I have cried them all out. Jane stays home from school, is almost always in our sight.
 
From nowhere she suddenly remembers something she hadn't told us or the policeman because she wasn't sure, but she thinks she heard a voice the night Lili disappeared. It only said, 'GOTCHA.'
 
Yes, whoever, whatever took our daughter away has changed our lives. We miss her every day, in every way, every time we see another child about Lili's age. Jane remembers her sister but the vision dims as she grows up and we grow older.
 
Our neighbors donated money for a small marble statue of Lili that has been  placed in the Capitol Square. Barry and I visit it every Sunday. Our heavy hearts just never get lighter. The unknown perpetrator of this tragedy also must have been please that his 'Gotcha' also got us.
 
May he burn in hell for all eternity!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Winner?

PRIDE GOETH –
 
The white full breasted turkey was walking around Dupont Circle, one of the busiest streets in Washington, D.C. Its big fancy tail was spread out in imitation of a glorious peacock. Discombobulated drivers honked, yelled but the turkey never acknowledged their rudeness and proudly strode in long yellow steps , gobbled a few times to amuse the on-lookers and let its waddle sway in the fall breeze.
 
Traffic slowed to a crawl. Children came running from every direction. The press came in droves. With dreams of fame and fortune, paparazzi flashed their cameras at everything. Not once did the turkey blink. Police cars sounded their sirens and the crowd moved gradually towards the grassy area in the middle of the circle.
 
The President, his large family, senators, a few movie stars, assembled in the Green Room of the White House. Cocktails were served along with hors deuvres on silver platters. A ten piece band played a variety of music from religious to rock to bop for an hour. Finally they stopped to allow the full breasted white turkey to get all the attention as the President, in a sign of graciousness, spared the turkey's life. Applause from the guests as the turkey strode out of the Green room, out of the White House. He, a turkey weighing forty five lbs. Was driven to a farm near Lancaster, PA and allowed to father as many turkey-lets as he wished for his entire natural life.
 
While that was going on and photo after photo of the President being kind, allowing the turkey to live, 50 other less fortunate, smaller ones were slaughtered in the hidden garage behind the White House. Their heads were chopped off and their feathers quickly plucked. Their cavities were stuffed with fragrant dressing and their roasting began. At seven p.m. dinner was served in the Gold room where  George and Martha Washington had often supped.
 
Pictures of our thoughtful, kind President, his wife and four children, filled the morning newspapers, t.v. programs. None were shown of the roasting of the fifty other turkeys.
 
Well before the next election for a second term, all of that baloney was forgotten and John Glassman lost. He was such a pompous fool and a real dodo.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Watch it!

LOUD MEMORIES
 
I hear the pounding of the metal pestle as it bangs against the mortar.
My mother and my Tante Sophie are like busy ants running all over the kitchen, opening cabinets, looking in drawers. 'Sarah,' my mother calls.
'Where did you hide Tante Lottie's rolling pin?' And I am pushed aside like a rotten tomato. 'Go outside and play, Child. There's work we grown-ups have to do now.' My mother stands in front of me and opens her angry mouth. 'You send my Millie out of my house? What a nerve you have. You go, not my kleneche.' If they could, they'd saw me in half.
 
Supposedly this is Happy Time in Brooklyn, but not always. Purim is still very much alive even if cruel King Hamen has been dead for hundreds of years and his Queen Esther is less than ashes in her grave.
 
The arguing goes on until I find Tante Lottie's rolling pin behind the box of ginger snaps in the pantry. I eat the last few, put the box in the trash and leave the pantry yelling to all of my aunts, 'Look what I found!  Here's Tante Lottie's rolling pin.' There are smiles but not a word of thanks.
 
My mother is the first to reach me. She kisses me and gives me a quick hug, lays the rolling pin next to the humongous piece of waxed paper on the kitchen counter. Tante Sophie sprinkles lots of flour on it and starts rolling, flipping, stretching the dough that was made last night. Before she is even half finished, she almost has a fit. 'Nobody turned on the oven?' My mother lowers her head in shame and sets the dial to 375 degrees.
 
'Mildred?' I hear my name called. 'Do you want to do something to really help?' I say, 'What?' Before I get a job to do, Tante Clara comes in, takes the old brass, very wobbly mortar and pestle, empties a bag of mun seeds in it, covers them with globs of Karo Syrup and starts pounding the gook into mush. The rolled dough has been cut into large squares and laid on more waxed paper. Two great big aluminum flat baking pans are ready. All hands, except mine, get busy folding the dough into triangles, pinching the sweetness inside. To me the hats look like pointed bellies that will soon explode. The house begins to smell sweet. While the hats bake, all of my Tantes clean every speck of  the kitchen and watch their watches so nothing burns.
 
The ancient brass mortar and pestle is back on the counter next to a big bottle of Manischewitz wine. My mother adds a little water into one glass of wine and lets me taste it. Ugh! The first two trays of toasty hats come out of the oven and two more go in. As the hamentashen cool, my aunts carefully fill all one hundred into cardboard boxes to be picked up by members of B'rith Shalom Synagogue for the celebration party.
 
I have a new dress and black patent leather shoes. I'm very excited, need my mother. She's upstairs in her room holding, caressing the brass mortar and pestle for maybe the millionth time. She believes it was once her great grandmother's. In turning it upside down she notices, for the first time in her life, tiny, tiny markings that seem to be Hebrew. A magnifying glass does not show her what she is seeking.  So she wraps the dull cracked mortar and pestle in a silk kerchief and lays it carefully in her bureau drawer. It will be forgotten until next Purim I think, but it isn't.
 
My mother is a great fan of the Antique Road Show on t.v. twice a week.  She thrills when someone brings in what seems to be nothing much and is shocked, is thrown into spasms of ecstasy when the near valueless, but beloved, painting is examined by a professional and turns out to be worth thousands of dollars. A light goes on in my mother's head . She investigates,  gets all the information of how to get on the show. And she does. Most lucky people, are almost speechless. They can barely say 'WOW'.  My Mom doesn't. All of my family is with her when her turn comes to show the old, broken brass mortar and pestle that must be 200 years old, at least. The expert spends quite a bit of time with it, pondering, turning, using a bright light and decides that it is very valuable. 'Mrs. Bass. Cherish this antique, leave it for your daughter, but the marks you tried to read are merely scratches, signify nothing.' No one says 'Wow'. They all groan, moan and go back to our house having had a great t.v. experience.
 
The mortar and pestle are forever after kept on the fireplace mantle,
with a small sign that says 'Antique Road Show- 2009.'

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Stand by me

DOORS
 
I approach the house that once was mine very slowly and pass it by.  It's been much too long since I've walked these streets. The few maple trees are higher and I know I am a lot shorter, limp on my prosthetic left leg. A few children play games, text their friends. These kids weren't even a gleam in their parents eyes when I left the neighbor- hood. No one smiles or waves to me. They don't seem to notice me at all. My heart palpitates, thumps. I feel faint for a minute but get my wits together and proceed.
 
The air is fresh, smells like just cut lilacs my mom used to put in a cut glass tall vase. The newspaper I had bought as soon as I stepped off the bus I threw in a city trash receptacle. It was useless to me. I own no more stocks and bonds, nor did I recognize the department store names offering a huge one day only sale. I worry. Did I get off my bus too soon, too late?
 
Then I calm down. On the corner is the Woodfield Drugstore, right where it was when my world turned upside down. I was paying for Barbasol shaving cream and a new razor. The register drawer was open. Out of the blue, out of hell, five policemen, guns drawn, drew closer and closer to me, made me lie down flat on the floor while they felt my entire body, pants' pockets. 'Stand up, don't say a word  and don't move a hair on your head until we tell you to.' One officer laughed. 'Joe,' he said, 'The perp doesn't have much hair to move.'
 
The store clerk comes over, looks me up and down and I am a goner. , 'Yes, he's the man who robbed us last week and killed our cashier.' My denials are worthless. My fear is evident. I pee in my pants.
 
Things go bad to worse. I am given a pro bono lawyer who looks like he just graduated law school.  I am identified by three  people who had been there when the tragedy occurred. I had not!.  Having no previous arrests does not stop the judge from slamming me into the hoosegow where I am in a single cell. My family visits, tries to console me, wants bail arranged but Judge Bancroft says 'No.' A trial is set for June 6 and this is only February 2. My dreams are fearsome. I languish as much as possible on the single cot in my cell, avoid trying to make friends in the yard. I read all the law books in the jail's small library, don't understand much.
 
Visiting is only twice a week for a half hour and it takes a month of waiting until my parents come, bring me a few sweets, magazines that are first examined before I get them. Hallelujah! They have a found an attorney willing to take my case. They have put their house up as collateral. Mr. Frank E. Stein visits me daily, has come up with proof that I was not the murderer and presents it, with diagrams, with witnesses who knew where I really was when the murder was committed. While I sit and listen, I realize how smooth he is and my confidence grows.
 
The jury is out for six hours when I hear the verdict, loud and clear.-'Innocent of all charges.' My wonderful family surrounds me. There are technicalities to be taken care of and I am return to my cell while papers are finalized. I am given a plastic bag so I can take my belonging home. I trash it. Want nothing from this god-forsaken place.
 
On my last day, Frank E. Stein meets me and my folks in a private area and I watch my Dad, see a tear go down my Mom's face, as they hand the deed to our house to Mr. Stein. We leave and the door automat- ically closes and locks!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Playland

CHILD'S PLAY
 
School days were still so far away. I wanted them to come faster but, in the meantime,  Easterwood Park was waiting for me. 'Roz, let's go. We can get the bean bags before Shirley gets there.' And off we ran, hand in hand until I stumbled, skinned my knee, spit on my handkerchief to clean away the little blood' and ran on. Darn it. Ira got the bean bags before us but he let us play and when Shirley came we had 2 teams. Naturally, Roz and I were one, Shirley and Ira the other. We lost.
 
The sliding board beckoned as the sun wasn't high yet and we could fly down it without burning our tuches. The sand we landed in was cool so we built a few castles with our hands as we hadn't brought our buckets and shovels. In fact, we didn't like to bring them anymore as the other kids thought we were for babies.
 
A few swings were still empty.  Before there were none left, Roz and I each grabbed one and swung and swung. Both of us liked to break the rule and we would stand, bend, push ourselves higher, and higher, never falling off. That tired us out and we took a little rest under the big oak tree near Bentalou St.
 
I looked up to the blue, blue sky and saw Santa Claus. In front of him was a big dragon. This was as good as going to the movies as the dragon, right before my eyes, turned into a rabbit. Before I could even point the rabbit out to Roz it became a whale and the whale swam away. In its place was a devil with horns and chasing the devil was a big clown with a tall hat. Where did they come from? Where did they go?
 
The wind began to whistle. The clouds got darker and darker. Thunder started to rumble and Roz and I ran as fast as we could into the little supply house. Miss Glazer let us in, gave us crayons and paper to keep us busy until the storm passed. And when it had gone, the air smelled so clean, so good, Roz and I decided to walk home rather than skip. It was such a good morning.
 
And the sky movies were free!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

To the Zela Bop Fan Club

I am not feeling too well for the last few days and may have to take a few days off of writing.
 
But don't worry, I'll be back. Just stick with me, my wonderful friends. You are the joy of my life, the people who make me smile.
 
Val

A peeling

THE ORANGE TANGERINE
 
Where did it come from? I walk a little slower and realize I'm barely shuffling my feet and my mother is holding my hand. In her other hand is a brown paper bag. She looks at me, smiles and asks, 'Want one now, Sweetie?' 'Oh, yes, yes, Mommy.' We stop while she opens the paper bag, looks in, and pulls out just one tangerine. She asks me if I want her to peel it for me. 'No, no, I can do it,' I reply, take the golden orange in my hand, dig my fingernail into the top and juice squirts all over me and into my eye. Mommy wipes it off with her sleeves and takes away what is left of my tangerine.
 
'I'll do it for you or you will spoil another one.' I beg for another chance and am able to separate each little section slowly, one by one, stop when only one juicy piece is left. 'Mommy, I'm sorry I was a pig. Here, you can have this.' She leans towards me, opens her mouth real, real wide and I pop in my last slice. Soulfully, I gaze at her and ask if we can  share one more tangerine.
 
I close my eyes, realize I am on my way home from the supermarket and I was just sort of day dreaming. Why did that warm memory come back from nowhere? The reason clarifies itself in an instant. My car is waiting and I head my loaded shopping cart towards it, notice the packer had put my large, heavy bag of tangerines on top of my tomatoes. I remove it and as soon as I can push the button to open the trunk, put them in first, all the way to its rear and leave the rest of the space for canned goods, cleaning, soaps.
 
At home I unpack all that had been packed in the super market and then again in my car trunk. I rip open the net bag of tangerines and hate myself for buying what I know are dried out, sour orange delights. My money is down the sewer. From my purse I remove my market sales slips so I can return the lousy,dry tangerines the next day.
 
I think perhaps this experience is a message. In the kitchen, my writing pad and pen flies like a November wind to send you my thoughtless thoughts.
 
ENJOY what you can while you can.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Merry Christmas

DOLL HOUSE
 
It's only 5 a.m. when I hear our five year old angel open her bedroom door. She tries to close it quietly but it clicks in my mind as loud as Big Ben might. I jump out of bed and almost bump into her in the hallway. My arms folded meanly on my chest, I block her and order her back to her room. A lecture follows. 'If Daddy or I catch you out of your room before we call you, rest assured you will be sorry. No breakfast, no anything!' Our little honey angel starts her easy tear routine, almost wins, but Ralph and I manage to control her. We aren't quite ready to let her see what god has given us to give her for Christmas.
 
'Yes, Ma am,' she whispers as she slinks upstairs. Ralph and I get dressed in our regular Christmas red outfits, go to the kitchen for cups of coffee and manage to get the last box of tree ornaments to our den. He still hasn't managed to place our twinkling star on top. He's tried several times but something is wrong. Even though no windows are open, it tilts, sways as if it is going to fly away, then lays limp on a  lower bough. Ralph is steadfast, won't let me try it. He's the big boss and he'll do it.
 
Carol whines from the upstairs hall, 'Mommy, can I come down? I'm hungry.' ' Soon. Go watch t.v. The Brandenburg Parade is on.' There is semi-quiet for all of five minutes, when miss big shot Carol yells at the top of her lungs, 'Ready or not, here I come!' She falls on the bottom step but isn't hurt much and heads towards the living room to see the tree (and her presents.) Ralph tackles her, pulls her close to his body and warns her not to try that trick again.
 
The door bell rings and Carol opens it, lets the cold wind in with her friend Flo. Flo doesn't hesitate. 'Is your tree ready yet? What presents did you get?' Poor Carol doesn't know what to say so just tells her friend to go home. She has things to do.
 
'Eureka, Eureka,' Ronald shouts. ''As soon as Flo leaves you can come in. This is OUR special time.' The front door closes, the living room drapes are shut, making the room almost dark. 'Come in, come in, Child. Be ready.' He touches the switch near the door and the room turns into a flood of colors, lights twinkle, silver stars spin around. Gaily wrapped packages are everywhere. Carol squeals with delight, kisses, hugs, her parents and dives into the packages.
 
She doesn't know where to begin. Should she open the small things first or the big ones? The little boxes look easier so she opens the first and find a real, an honest to god real, watch. It is silver colored and has a white face with black hands. Her joy is overwhelming. Next she opens a pale blue fuzzy angora sweater with a matching blue beret, slips them on over her nite gown and declares, 'Don't I look beautiful Mom?'
 
Dad suggests she open the biggest box next. He helps her undo the ribbons, the scotch tape. He needs something to actually open the sealed box and uses a screwdriver. A noise comes out of the box and frightens Carol. 'Is somebody in there? Let her out. She will die.' The box comes apart and her Dad lifts a baby doll from the tissue paper.
Carol does get frightened. The doll is a copy of herself. It even walks and talks a little. It takes a few minutes before she can accept her double and then she falls in love with it. 'Am I as pretty as my doll?' Mommy', she asks. Mom comes back at her with a  'No, you are prettier. You have a heart that beats, eyes that shine, kisses that are warm and wet.' Carol is so happy, happy until there is a loud noise behind her.
 
There laying flat on the floor, broken to pieces is the gold star that her Daddy had tried so hard to put on the tree. Everybody laughs as Carol gives her parents the pretty things she made for them.
 

 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Long ago-but close at hand

Please accept this tale of long ago that I came across when searching thru my Documents from about 2005. Some of you may remember it and those that don't will believe I just made up this nonsense. But it is true and I never want to let go of the things that I lived thru. Take a trip with me,Val
 
TIME MARCHES ON
The past is the past, but much of the past is too alive to be past. There are still many of us alive to tell you about the trivial, non-history book every day important nothingness of our world in the 1920 to 40's in an ordinary USA city. By the end of 1924 when I made my entrance, the world was already bursting with new ideas, inventions. Progress was jumping ahead in leaps and bounds. But only now watching the History channel do I actually see 1924 as
long ago, yet it is burned in my memory. Come back there with me!
How my father afforded some of the things we acquired was by diligence, determination, devotion to his dental practice, his family, his pursuit of 'the new, the better.' It seems to me we ALWAYS had an automobile, but I know that was not so. That my playmates didn't have one, went over my unaware red head.
 
Our milk was delivered daily by horse drawn trucks. The clop of their hooves on tar streets often woke me. Ice was brought to groceries, butcher shops and drug stores, homes, in huge blocks that were chopped to suit the order left on small window signs. Refrigeration was still only a dream.
Boys delivered the Baltimore Sun morning paper directly to our doorsteps and again when the afternoon edition was printed. The Baltimore News Post was sold on street corners, held down by broken pieces of brick or from street cars where the ragged boys were allowed on free to hawk the latest news for two cents, 5 cents for Extras! Mail too was delivered to the house twice daily and on Sat. department stores delivered any and all packages, even one handkerchief, right to the door at no charge.
Clothes were washed and rinsed in big tubs in dank smelling cellars or even in bathtubs. Our cellar had a small black gas range on which my mother boiled clothes and sterilized the drinking glasses for my daddy's patients, an eternal, daily job. Mama had to light the boiler for hot water, always, always afraid it would explode. Came the day she got a washing machine. How excited she must have been! It actually had a hand wringer which she constantly warned me not to go near as it could pull in my arm and crush it flat. The still wet and heavy clothes, sheets had to be carried up two flights of stairs to be hung on clothes lines stretched across our garage roof, where they bleached in the hot summer sun or froze into odd shapes in wintry blasts. Between the new washing machine and old permanent wash tubs Daddy put up a small wooden shelf for supplies, a box of Argo starch, a bottle of bluing, a bar of Fels Naptha soap, wooden matches and a box of Ivory flakes.
 
By the time I was 9, Daddy had prospered some and we were the first family in our neighborhood to get oil heat. No longer was the cellar full of coal dust. Along with that wonder was the automatic hot water heater. It was on all the time. Mama was no longer afraid the whole house would explode when we needed our baths. Did I appreciate all we had? No, it just came and I accepted, NEVER lauded my good fortune over others, because I was unaware they had less.
Years later neighbors gathered on our pavement when a big truck parked in front and 4 burly, sweating black men came inside, went to our second floor front window, removed the frame and somehow, with heavy ropes and pulley, brought our new refrigerator up, up, up, into the window, down the long hall and into our kitchen. Watchers on the pavements applauded. Even I was excited and shouted as I joined the crowd. The ice cubes were magical but my friend, the ice man, never visited me again. I watched for him almost daily as he made his rounds to all the stores on our block. With a smile he still gave me little chunks of ice on hot summer days. Super markets were not yet born. Mom and Pop groceries, A & Ps, were on many corners. Barley, rice, beans and even sugar were sold from the floor in open burlap bags, a scoop in each bag. I loved to play with them while Mama told the man behind the counter what she needed. What she bought from the bags would be spread on clean white tea towels on the kitchen table, where she, our day worker, and sometimes I, would move them around, searching for (and often finding) bugs, mouse dirt. Fly paper always hung from store ceilings, sometimes with last summer's flies still captured.
Back to Daddy. He was one of the very first dentists in Baltimore to get an X ray machine. Usually the patient, uncomfortable, afraid sat on a metal chair, held the X ray in his own mouth using one finger for 60 seconds for each position to be captured. There were no lead shields. Daddy stepped back a little whenever the new X ray in his jacket pocket turned black. I too, at age 14, worked the X ray machine, standing right near its rays as we knew nothing about the dangers.
I'm going back now to when I was 5. Mothers met and excitedly began talking about a new thing–kindergarten to be started the next term. I was going to go, and like my friends, was scared. The room was in the basement, had a piano for Miss Long to play and teach us songs, a row of rolled up straw mats on the floor for our rest periods. 2 chains that were put on hooks in the entrance door so we could have a swing during recess.
There must have been big furnaces to heat the whole school but I never saw them. Part of the basement had gray stalls for boys and girls who went to the toilet separately. Between that and the class was a large empty room–except for one wonderful thing-a see saw, used on rainy days.
Mama paid 20 cents a week so I could have a bottle of milk with graham crackers every day, right after rest time. Some of my friends said they didn't like milk and watched me drink mine.
We had 'bank days' all the way into high school. "Save, save for the future, for war bonds". AND we had ink wells in all the desks. One had to be the teacher's pet to pour the daily ink in before school. I WAS. I was allowed to wash blackboards, as far as I could reach, and use the very long hooked pole to lower the windows so we could maintain the perfect 78 degree temperature. Air conditioning, window fans? Never heard of them. Sitting on the outside steps or benches in summer sufficed. Fire trucks came sometimes and opened the hydrants for the children to cool off. It was cold! It was wonderful! It was fun!
Movies were still silent when I was small but I knew no better and loved them, walking fearlessly to see whatever opened. I can still see the huge sign on the Met's marquee–AIR COOLED–a miracle for sure. Then Daddy and Mama took me to see 'Disraeli', a talking picture. Daddy had patients until 5 and we had to have supper so by the time we got to the movie there was standing room only. Most of the time Daddy let me sit on his shoulders but I kvetched and was bored. Excitement rose when the movie was over and door prizes were given out, food, dishes, towels—but we didn't win. We never won.
Street cars clanged up and down our street. Policemen walked their beats. Horses added to the dirt that men with push carts and brushes had to constantly clean up. Summer storms saturated the sewer on our corner and often flooded right up to our front steps.
Maybe I was 5 or 5 1/2 ,sitting outside with Mama and Daddy on our chained down wooden bench, Daddy pointed up to see an airplane so very high in the sky. I don't think any of us had ever seen one fly–certainly not I.
Now I jump from younger than spring time to young womanhood. Daddy bought a T.V. set. The picture was always too red or two green . Shows didn't start until about 5 p.m. Picture tubes and smaller ones kept burning out so Uncle Morton, self taught in electronics, was at our house a few times EVERY week, doing the best he could but never getting it right.
It wasn't until 2nd grade that we began to write with pens, pens that had to be dipped in the inkwells on each desk. Arithmetic was done mentally and on fingers, no calculators, no adding machines. School #62 had to install a fire escape when I was in the 3rd grade. Although the building was brick, there were not enough exits. The floors and stair wells were all wood, smelling of the oily mops used to keep dust down. An aluminum tube was constructed, a door cut in the brick wall and then the tube was attached as an exit. Fire drills began. Picturing it now, I know it would not have provided safety to the hundreds of frightened children.
The radio, oh, my, how wonderful! We had a large radio in the living room, a Majestic. Our minds were very stimulated by conjuring up images of Bulldog Drummond, Orphan Annie, Punjab, Jack Armstrong. They became our friends, our enemies. One could walk for blocks on a lovely summer evening and never miss one word of Myrt and Marge as everybody was tuned in and windows were open.
Oh, Daddy bought a Victrola (RCA) for the office waiting room but patients never heard it. I did. The big, thick wax records were stored in brown heavy paper in the side cabinets. I couldn't work the machine Daddy said as the arm was heavy and the needle could chip the record but he would run it on Sundays when I listened to Caruso, the poet and Peasant Overture, William Tell and loved doing it—especially when Daddy & Mama weren't home for a few hours on a Sunday and I turned the Victrola on being VERY, VERY careful not to break anything.
Well, I am not yet empty but feel I have overstayed my visit, so I bid you farewell until ?????

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Fix

THE CABLE GUY
 
My eyes are heavy. I can feel their weight taking me to another world.
A sudden blaring noise shakes me into a fit of fear. Somewhat dazed I assume something exploded. Wasting no time, not even grabbing my shoes, I look around and realize my den is semi dark. Only the night light is still burning. The brand new Samsung 34" HDTV flat screen box is smoking. It was just installed yesterday morning and is now a problem, a fright. 'O.K.', I mumble and walk zigzag to the window to check the weather. No thunder. No lightning. No outage. No T.V. With a flick of my finger I turn on the hall light and all is well.
 
At the same moment my dismay and anger erupt, I can taste the smoke as it curls slowly from the box of my new $1499.99 entertainment set. That was the sale price and I joked with myself about the 99cent figure. Do fools go for that? Not I. I already had figured the 9% sales tax when I signed the charge slip.
 
It's 2 a.m. and my phone rings. It has to be my neighbor, Joe, and I am too upset to get involved. It rings once more and I just sit on the edge of my bed, about to cry. My brain begins to function and I go looking for the Comcal's instructions. Where the hell did I put it? It is on the kitchen table and informs me on page six what to do in emergency. Their technicians are on call 24 hours a day. 'Just call us. We are at your service.' I dial, listen to an automated voice asking if I need emergency assistance- hit one. I follow instructions, am dis- connected. Another try, another automated answer, and dead silence.
 
My next attempt I use the trick I have learned and keep hitting 'O' rapidly. Oh, my god, where has my mind been? I didn't even unplug the box or any wires out of the wall. Fortunately, there are no flames so I just go to bed and try to sleep. To get ahead of everybody I dial Comcal at 5 a.m. and connect to an automated line and learn that Comcal has found a problem in my area that is expected to be repaired by 10:30. Help! Help! I cannot get lost in the repair maize. I head to Best Buy who sold me on this Samsung. It opens 9 a.m. and I am there at 8:45, stand outside their door as a line forms behind me. The store manager had better be in when the door opens exactly on their clock at 9. My watch shows 9:02 and that is enough to rile my gut. Mr. McGill looks at my receipt, listens to my story and tells me in no uncertain terms that there is nothing wrong with my t.v. There most likely was a short in the cable box Comcal installed. 'Take a ride to their main office as soon as you can. See Mr. Fields, head man. Tell him I sent you. Here's the address.'
 
There are no technicians at the main office. Mr. Fields tells me about the trouble they are having and suggests I not be so upset. 'Upset? Am I upset, Sir?' He gives me an impolite snarl and shakes his head, yes. 'A technician will be at your home between noon and 2 today with a new box for your t.v. If he is not, call us again.' My hands are tied and my brain is fried and I leave him sitting at his desk, enjoying a cup of coffee with a chocolate covered donut.
 
From my window I see a Comcal service truck drive up and park in a visitor's space at 1.45. He is at my door in five minutes. I am ready to kill him if he doesn't install a new t.v. box and check it all out before he leaves. I am shocked when I open the door for him and he is a she and a  gorgeous she she is.  'Where's it at, Sir?' I lead her to the den where she tries a few lines, tests wires and installs a new box, gives me a statement with 'no charge' stamped on it' and her signature. Ms. Sands turns, gives me a wide, lovely smile, a flirtatious wink.
 
After a two day wait, I call Comcal again to complain that I am not getting the right color on my new t.v., request service at once. I get it. Harry takes care of it but doesn't know Ms. Sands. I put up with him but will complain again and again, until I find her. They bill me now.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Unexpected-unwanted

A HAPPENING !
 
It's Hollywood, exciting, promising Hollywood and I have a job, more nicely called 'a position' as a publicist at MGM and I know I am experienced enough to do a wham bang up job for them. My private date calendar isn't filled yet but I figure it will be once I really dig into my work. It's 5 p.m., quitting time but I don't budge until 6. My work load is in a fine leather brief case I bought from Gucci, the height of status and the epitome of class. 
 
The handsome bar in the studio's recreation area awaits me. Only one soft, luxurious bar stool remains open. I step faster towards it and get it just as someone else reaches for its stainless steel back. The prize is mine. A young and upcoming agent I met recently is to my left. We chat and he picks up my tab. His aqua blue eyes are intriguing, almost hypnotizing. There is some sort of electric current between us, but I am not ready to get involved—yet.
 
In the morning I find lovely red roses on my desk from Jim Massey. His engraved card lets me know in embossed letters that he is  not only the executive manager of the Magic Castle in Hollywood, but he is one of the partners of this one of the coolest restaurants in L.A. and
Doug Hebbing and David Copperfield are regulars here.
 
My desk phone jingles before I settle at my desk in the morning and I can sense Jimmy's big smile already aglow. Before I can even thank him for the roses, he invites me to have a lot of fun at HIS Magic Castle.  I can't refuse such an important man, can I? And who knows?  Maybe I can convince him that I should be the senior publicist at the Castle.  Jimmy gives me clear directions and I am there at the proposed 8 p.m. time. He is waiting in the lobby, gives me his arm and escorts me inside. Eyes are on us both.
 
First stop, the Glass Bar. The entire huge room seems to sparkle with glass. Even the bar stools are transparent and I giggle at the thought that maybe I am too. My Mai Tai is in my hands before I watch it being mixed. I take just a sip and quickly get very dizzy. Did Jimmy wink to Louie the bartender to put a few Ecstasy drops in my drink? I try to get off the stool and feel myself spinning, rising. This must be the Magical chair. It is going higher and higher, suddenly tilts over.
 
Other laughing faces turn gray with fright. The entire building begins  to
shake. Screams are coming from every direction...mine too. The lights go  
out. The elevators don't work. The screeching loud sound of fire engines
fly past the Magic Castle. Panic explodes at the door. Pushing, shoving,
kicking is everywhere. 
 
The noise, the rumbling, stops as quickly as it began. A loudspeaker that    surely reaches all floors announces over and over a 6.1 earthquake just hit L.A. Leave the building at once. Stay in the streets, as far away from glass and tall buildings as you can. Somehow this isn't quite the LA I signed up for.
 
What happened to the magic???

Unexpected-unwanted

A HAPPENING !
 
It's Hollywood, exciting, promising Hollywood and I have a job, more nicely called 'a position' as a publicist at MGM and I know I am experienced enough to do a wham bang up job for them. My private date calendar isn't filled yet but I figure it will be once I really dig into my work. It's 5 p.m., quitting time but I don't budge until 6. My work load is in a fine leather brief case I bought from Gucci, the height of status and the epitome of class. 
 
The handsome bar in the studio's recreation area awaits me. Only one soft, luxurious bar stool remains open. I step faster towards it and get it just as someone else reaches for its stainless steel back. The prize is mine. A young and upcoming agent I met recently is to my left. We chat and he picks up my tab. His aqua blue eyes are intriguing, almost hypnotizing. There is some sort of electric current between us, but I am not ready to get involved—yet.
 
In the morning I find lovely red roses on my desk from Jim Massey. His engraved card lets me know in embossed letters that he is  not only the executive manager of the Magic Castle in Hollywood, but he is one of the partners of this one of the coolest restaurants in L.A. and
Doug Hebbing and David Copperfield are regulars here.
 
My desk phone jingles before I settle at my desk in the morning and I can sense Jimmy's big smile already aglow. Before I can even thank him for the roses, he invites me to have a lot of fun at HIS Magic Castle.  I can't refuse such an important man, can I? And who knows?  Maybe I can convince him that I should be the senior publicist at the Castle.  Jimmy gives me clear directions and I am there at the proposed 8 p.m. time. He is waiting in the lobby, gives me his arm and escorts me inside. Eyes are on us both.
 
First stop, the Glass Bar. The entire huge room seems to sparkle with glass. Even the bar stools are transparent and I giggle at the thought that maybe I am too. My Mai Tai is in my hands before I watch it being mixed. I take just a sip and quickly get very dizzy. Did Jimmy wink to Louie the bartender to put a few Ecstasy drops in my drink? I try to get off the stool and feel myself spinning, rising. This must be the Magical chair. It is going higher and higher, suddenly tilts over.
 
Other laughing faces turn gray with fright. The entire building begins  to
shake. Screams are coming from every direction...mine too. The lights go  
out. The elevators don't work. The screeching loud sound of fire engines
fly past the Magic Castle. Panic explodes at the door. Pushing, shoving,
kicking is everywhere. 
 
The noise, the rumbling, stops as quickly as it began. A loudspeaker that    surely reaches all floors announces over and over a 6.1 earthquake just hit L.A. Leave the building at once. Stay in the streets, as far away from glass and tall buildings as you can. Somehow this isn't quite the LA I signed up for.
 
What happened to the magic???

Monday, November 14, 2011

Try,try again

YARDS AND YARDS
 
Theresa' s yard next to our row house has been paved with red bricks. She and I hate it but her mom, Mrs. Thompson, suggests the entire block do what she and her husband did. 'Heck, Mrs. Morgan, no more lawn to cut, no mud to stand in when we hang clothes on the turnstile. This brick work cost an arm and ½ leg but is worth it. Come see, I still have a few feet of soil along the fence so I can plant a bulb or two before spring gets here.' I wait and wait, finally see a few jonquils and flags grow tall enough to be cut. I look at them longingly but Mrs. Thompson never, ever offers me even one flower to take to my teacher. I do hate her and my father too.
 
He doesn't have our yard paved with bricks, he has a concrete garage built over the whole place. It's the only yard that becomes a garage. Some people say he brags about it but nobody really likes it. It's kept locked so I can't even go into the alley to take a short cut to school. I could tell my father is proud to be the only owner of a 1939 black Buick and doesn't have to park on the street any more. My Mom doesn't  like the garage either because she has to hang her clothes on the black tar roof and ruins her shoes whenever the hot sun has its way with the blackness..
 
One windy day I see some of Mom's clothes pins get loose. A tea towel whips off and flies into the alley. I find it, sopping wet in a pile of our fish man's horse manure. For all I know, it's still there.
 
At the far end of our alley lives my very best friend, Mildred. She has a real yard, just filled with rows and rows of four o'clocks. They're all colors,  pink, white, yellow. Her mom lets me take as many as I want. The first time she gives me the okay, I break little branches off and fill my arms, even my pockets and run thru the alley to the front of our house, so happy. 'Ma, look, look what I have!' She hurries to me and yells, 'What is that brown mushy stuff? I look and see that all the four o'clocks have turned tan, all of their color has vanished. There is no sweet smell like roses. I dump them in the big galvanized trash can on our garage roof and pick no more four o'clocks.
 
My very favorite yard has a white fence around it. True, it needs a painting and some of the boards nailed tighter, but it doesn't matter to me. Mrs. Taylor lets her climbing white roses climb as much as they want to. When they reach the top, the just hang loose and head down to the concrete. That's when I get up extra early each morning, take my mom's best scissors and some newspaper to cut and wrap roses for her and for my teacher. I don't care if Mrs. Taylor thinks I'm a thief. She doesn't cut her flowers, doesn't take good care of them and they are not in her garden when I get them.
 
Spring is almost gone and the tall iris still stand like soldiers in the small plot near the chicken wire fence, bordered by bricks. I must, I just must have a few. Carefully I make my way from our porch to Mrs. Thompson's, go down her wooden steps. They creak. Like a wild woman she comes out the door. 'What in the world do you want, Child? You almost scared me to death.?
 
I tell her. 'Please, Ma am, I only want to take a few beautiful iris to my teacher before they fade and die. May I?' She actually smiles to me and goes down the steps and cuts the last few for me.My teacher thanks me, puts them in a vase on her desk and they last the entire week. When Monday comes and our class is all seated, red roses with a big white bow replace my gift. I don't mind too much as I can breathe in their wonderful smell.
 
And when report cards come out, I see right away that I have all good checks in the politeness column, the cooperative column and my 'C' in arithmetic has become a C+. I believe my few flowers worked magic

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Eventually it happened

                             ENTERING A NEW WORLD
 
Senior singles mingled self-consciously in the hallway, waiting for the doors to open to a wine and cheese get-together. A few ladies seemed to know each other, making the first-timers more lonely as they walked into the their new world. A still attractive lady in off white slacks and smart new red sweater stood on one foot, then the other, uncomfortable, lost in the crowd. Her eyes had tiny touches of tears behind her red framed bifocals. 'Why did I come?' Bewilderment was written all over her face.
 
Loud, forced, laughter filled the corner where one of the very few men found himself surrounded by hungry women. Fat and wrinkled, they vied for his attention. But why? He was slightly hunched over, white haired, pot-bellied, bow legged and had a distinctly unbathed odor. So what was the attraction?  He was a man, a man in the world of widows. A smile, a snap of his fingers and he could have had any one of a dozen ladies looking, hoping for something, someone in their lives.  Near the still locked door, three strangers began to talk to each other  so their tension would resolve itself.
 
Finally the room with its cheap gallons of wine, cubed cheese, vegetables, dip, plastic plates and wooden toothpicks opened. All that changed  was the location. The players were the same except now they could hold a paper cup of wine and stuff their mouths with hard orange chunks of less than fresh cheese, making conversation even more difficult. Women, acting cool, nonchalant, held their heads aloof as their pupils peeped, searched for a presentable man. There were none which forced 2nd, 3rd and 4th choices to be taken. The last straw was talking to another woman the rest of the 'evening out.' It was unbearable.
 
Let me go back to the lady in the red sweater. That was I! The first and only man to whom I spoke at length happened to have come from not just my home town, but roomed in the house of a close friend of mine. We walked the same streets, ate in the same dellys, knew the same people. Because the lady with whom I had been standing gave him her name and number, I was too embarrassed to say 'No' and did the same. Then I merely said how nice it was to talk to him, turned and left.
 
At 8:30 the following morning he called and went directly to the point, 'Would you consider a relationship?' As soon as I gave a strong negative answer, he hung up. I went into a spell of depression. Terrible tears, resentment, poured from my soul. It wasn't my fault–-he did this to me–not the newly met idiot, but my love, my husband. He left me when I begged him not to go–left me to this lousy single life. It more than stinks. It's putrid, decaying and devoid of hope.
 
Please, oh, please, COME BACK TO ME !

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Chop-Chop

WEIRD COINCIDENCE 
 
I wake suddenly from an unexpected afternoon nap. My clothes aren't mussed, the tossed pillows are laying on the carpet and the back of my neck aches a little. No sooner do I standup, I begin to hum, no words, just a tinkly rhythm. It comes from I know not where. My senses are not clear at all. I walk towards the kitchen and words begin to materialize. 'Chin Chan!' Period. Nothing else comes out.
 
Mother is in the kitchen preparing dinner. The smell of sizzling bacon, maybe burning a bit in Canola oil, burns my nostrils, reaches me, revolts
me. Strange words escape my lips. 'Oh, no, I HATE that Chinky smell.' 'Ma,' I call to her. 'Please close the door, open the windows. That awful bacon smell is going to make me vomit.' She doesn't answer me but slams the door hard. I can hear her tugging, ughing to open the two little kitchen windows.
 
I return to the sofa, put my head against the hard head rest and sing, 'Chin Chan, China man-stole a pig and away he ran!' Where did that come from? How long and why has it been buried inside of me? I sit still, almost paralyzed trying to put two and two together. No puzzle pieces fit right. At age twenty five I am sure I've never met anyone from China. There has been no opportunity. No Chinese children went to any of my schools. If there were any in my first two years in college, surely I would have at least seen them in the cafeteria, library. 'Chin Chan, China man', sings to an empty mind. There is nothing there but sawdust.
 
I concentrate on the stolen pig. Pigs are dirty and I don't like them nor their smell nor their fat that feeds the world bacon strips.....my mother forces me to eat bacon. 'It's healthy,' she insists and I tell her to tell the pig's mother that. That gets me a slap on my rear end and no bacon on my burger. I keep my mouth shut and am delighted to taste the medium rare huge burgers my mother serves at least once a week.
 
My sleep is disturbed. I wake before the slightest bit of morning shows its beauty. My dream of just a few minutes ago wiggles its way into my conciousness.  I am five or six, have straight ugly hair and my mother has sent me to the corner drugstore to get a box of Ex Lax for my bowels. I remember thinking she said 'towels' and I begged her not to make me go and have to walk past the Chinamen. They have a laundry on my street and my father has warned me to always walk near the gutter when I have to go past the laundry. 'Chinamen are bad, Sweetheart. They steal children and send them away to China.' Of course, I believe him and sometimes after a rain, when the gutters flow like rivers, I defy my father and won't go.
 
The memory comes back. My father used to sing silly things to me and make me rhyme them. He came up with some luloos and the Chinese one was his favorite. I wait until I hear him get out of bed, take my eye brow pencil and slant my eyes with them. I get mother's long silk kimono from the nail on the bathroom door and wait at the bottom of the steps for them to come downstairs.
 
As soon as they get near the kitchen I jump out and sing my song, 'Chin Chan, China Man, stole a pig and away he ran.' They both look at me as if I've  lost my mind.
 
Maybe I have.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Who and Why

ME
 
I profess to be a writer. I not only profess it, I AM a writer. Hundreds of pens, pencils, four computers have been eaten up by my love of words. There has not yet come a time I succumbed to 'writer's block.'
Over the years when re-reading my day's work, my pleasure, I swear I don't know how my tale came about. Puzzlement exudes from every pore in my body. My fingers quiver when I read about places I've never been, describe people I've never met, give them homes, faces, names and I feel they have become my friends and even enemies. Lila's fabulous model's figure wears fabrics, patterns, styles that swim into my mind and I embrace them, sometimes fall in love with the unknowns.
 
There are few phone calls to me anymore. I leave it off the hook when I am writing. Do I do what all good writers do, read, read and read again the best work of well known authors, even their not so great stories, books? No, I don't want to emulate Hemingway, Dickens, Patterson. My world is my own. When I rest, eat, sleep, I can feel a new character begging to visit me. My fingers claw at my blanket and I get up in the middle of the night, start a story on my computer, file and save it to go full speed ahead when daybreak comes and I am swallowed by a huge Australian crocodile.
 
Once I thought I should consider publishing my hundreds of stories but buried the idea. As I put that thought aside, I knew at last that I was my own character. Bits of me jumped in my face when I looked over the last three stories I had done. My coffee got cold. The kitchen window rattled. Dr. My eyes were at half mast. Johanson, Mr. Burgdorf, even Georgia Brown were in front of me, were me in many respects.
 
I deleted Dr. Johanson, typed my own real name into its spot and tried to close Word Perfect. 'Do you want to save changes?' Microsoft asked.  Yes? No? What should I do?  Dr. Johanson stood in front of me, loudly exclaimed, 'Don't you dare remove my name. It's a good name you haven't used yet.' An inner anger I didn't know had emerged from Hell and I deleted Dr. Johanson's name, tried to type in my real name and my puter locked. For at least an hour I sat there staring at my Word Perfect story I wrote yesterday. Dr. Johanson's name had been inserted most likely by Mr. Burgdorf.
 
Relief filled my very soul. It is best that happened because I cannot remember my name. All efforts have failed. Today I will become whoever, whatever I want to be because I AM A WRITER, a good one, I think.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Oh My Mama

                                        A RECIPE
 
Thick slices of lasagna, heated to a rich red gold with toasted crunch corners perfumed Sunday, spread into the living room, into my nostrils, my pores. The bubbly red meat sauce, ricotta and mozarella cheeses met with no resistance as they enticed me to the dinner table. The beauty of the dinner was before me.
 
There, sitting at the far end like the Queen she was, was Mama, my Mama, our Mama, so unlike the fat ladies with long hairs growing from their chins, aprons miraculously clean, who represent 'Old Italy'. Mama looked pretty. Her dark hair was short, perky and her deep chocolate eyes sparkled with pleasure. A trim figure, breasts firm and semi-coyly covered, announced this Grandma of the '90s. With a non-descript accent words flowed like topaz honey as she welcomed us to her home again.
 
Hell, she didn't have to labor over a hot stove as her maid followed all instructions with care while Mama watched her like a hawk. The ceiling fan whirred over the crispy salad.  Excellent Chianti stayed in the lovely wine glasses for only moments, disappeared and almost unbidden returned.
 
Mama laughed and her sweet, soft joy of living touched us all. We were smug, gloated in our good fortune having her, being with her as we felt the love she had instilled in us, the devotion of family deeply impressed. We rose, raised our ruby red wine and gave mama her favorite present–
 
Together we said ' Mama, you are beautiful. We love you...and she smiled.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Jolly Old England

KING'S HEAD PUB
 
My legs hurt. My feet must have blisters bigger than beer foam. Here in Jolly Olde England Rebecca and I are spending our second honeymoon. We're pub hunting and don't have far to look. Every corner   in Portabello has one. Next to me is The Pig's Tail Pub, with something curly hanging from the front door is not tempting. Across the street is the Jumping Green Frog, a glass box displays tiny LIVE frogs that can't get out because of a fine mesh screen covering on top. The Silver Knight has a fake armored knight, shield in hand to the left of the door. It can't be genuine as rust covers much of it.
 
I shade my eyes with my hands and try to look in windows, spot a woman, but the youngest I see must be 95 years old. Even from outside I can see curly gray whiskers under her chin. The men are noisy, seem to know each other forever. The tankards of ale are colorful and clank constantly. No way can I even suggest to my wife that we try any of these. We walk around the long block, look at the neat white steps that lead to apartment houses.
 
Street vendors, pushing carts, are loaded with old clothes for sale. It is reminiscent of NY when so many immigrants came to America and couldn't find work. Those are gone and the old streets are traffic hazards. Elizabeth Ave. Here in London welcomes the street vendors. They are colorful, attract tourists by the dozen. How could I possibly go into a pub without my wife? For sure, I'd have to duck when she aimed her heavy purse at me.
 
We meander for another 20, 25 minutes, are surprised to see three couples, definitely not Americans, entering The Crock's Croc Pot Tavern. The ladies were a bit shoddy but did have a certain English flair to their speaking. We followed them in. They took no notice of what seemed like a true stuffed croc, possibly from AW strail eea but the realism of that creature almost sent me out to pound the sidewalks a few more miles. The group gathered us in to their table, enjoyed our company as we enjoyed theirs. It seemed to me they never once asked 'What was that you said?', as they understood us or were great fakers.
Big shot me, I picked up the whole blinkin' tab, left them having their pintsand tried one more tavern that advertised Good Eats on their window. This one was named King's Head Pub.
 
Don't laugh. I had seen enough these past few hours to see how the places carried out their strange names. Inside I was sure I would meet a plastic container holding a mummified head with a crown on it. And so I did. We asked to sit where we would not see the ghastly head. We ate well, fish and chips (nothing special). They are like American potato chips, bangers, big, thick hot dogs, shepherd's pie, (eh), a very tender rib eye steak, lemon meringue pie
 
And so we left, aimed hopefully back towards our hotel. Only one block away Rebecca stops suddenly and screams, 'My purse, my purse. One of those creepy Englishmen stole my purse! My passport, our room keys are in there, what can we do? Have you seen a Bobby all day?' I try to calm her down but can't and that is understandable. I take her hand, hold it tightly and find our way back to the King's Head Pub. The pub bar tender rushes to us, waving Rebecca's purse over his head. He actually bows to us as he hands it to my wife.' 'No one opened it but I would have if necessary. You, Mrs. America are lucky you left it with us English. We're good people, we are.'
 
I offered him fifty Euro without really knowing what that equaled but he refused it, suggested we come back and see Scotland. 'Them Scots are good people too.' 
 
All Rebecca could manage was a tear and a 'toodle oo' wave goodbye.
 

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