The Fix

THE CABLE GUY

 

My eyes are heavy. I can feel their weight taking me to another world.
A sudden blaring noise shakes me into a fit of fear. Somewhat dazed I assume something exploded. Wasting no time, not even grabbing my shoes, I look around and realize my den is semi dark. Only the night light is still burning. The brand new Samsung 34" HDTV flat screen box is smoking. It was just installed yesterday morning and is now a problem, a fright. 'O.K.', I mumble and walk zigzag to the window to check the weather. No thunder. No lightning. No outage. No T.V. With a flick of my finger I turn on the hall light and all is well.

 

At the same moment my dismay and anger erupt, I can taste the smoke as it curls slowly from the box of my new $1499.99 entertainment set. That was the sale price and I joked with myself about the 99cent figure. Do fools go for that? Not I. I already had figured the 9% sales tax when I signed the charge slip.

 

It's 2 a.m. and my phone rings. It has to be my neighbor, Joe, and I am too upset to get involved. It rings once more and I just sit on the edge of my bed, about to cry. My brain begins to function and I go looking for the Comcal's instructions. Where the hell did I put it? It is on the kitchen table and informs me on page six what to do in emergency. Their technicians are on call 24 hours a day. 'Just call us. We are at your service.' I dial, listen to an automated voice asking if I need emergency assistance- hit one. I follow instructions, am dis- connected. Another try, another automated answer, and dead silence.

 

My next attempt I use the trick I have learned and keep hitting 'O' rapidly. Oh, my god, where has my mind been? I didn't even unplug the box or any wires out of the wall. Fortunately, there are no flames so I just go to bed and try to sleep. To get ahead of everybody I dial Comcal at 5 a.m. and connect to an automated line and learn that Comcal has found a problem in my area that is expected to be repaired by 10:30. Help! Help! I cannot get lost in the repair maize. I head to Best Buy who sold me on this Samsung. It opens 9 a.m. and I am there at 8:45, stand outside their door as a line forms behind me. The store manager had better be in when the door opens exactly on their clock at 9. My watch shows 9:02 and that is enough to rile my gut. Mr. McGill looks at my receipt, listens to my story and tells me in no uncertain terms that there is nothing wrong with my t.v. There most likely was a short in the cable box Comcal installed. 'Take a ride to their main office as soon as you can. See Mr. Fields, head man. Tell him I sent you. Here's the address.'

 

There are no technicians at the main office. Mr. Fields tells me about the trouble they are having and suggests I not be so upset. 'Upset? Am I upset, Sir?' He gives me an impolite snarl and shakes his head, yes. 'A technician will be at your home between noon and 2 today with a new box for your t.v. If he is not, call us again.' My hands are tied and my brain is fried and I leave him sitting at his desk, enjoying a cup of coffee with a chocolate covered donut.

 

From my window I see a Comcal service truck drive up and park in a visitor's space at 1.45. He is at my door in five minutes. I am ready to kill him if he doesn't install a new t.v. box and check it all out before he leaves. I am shocked when I open the door for him and he is a she and a  gorgeous she she is.  'Where's it at, Sir?' I lead her to the den where she tries a few lines, tests wires and installs a new box, gives me a statement with 'no charge' stamped on it' and her signature. Ms. Sands turns, gives me a wide, lovely smile, a flirtatious wink.

 

After a two day wait, I call Comcal again to complain that I am not getting the right color on my new t.v., request service at once. I get it. Harry takes care of it but doesn't know Ms. Sands. I put up with him but will complain again and again, until I find her. They bill me now.