The then- the now

THE DYING TREE

 

The sun is shining. I can feel its warmth hug me, chase away my aches, the doldrums of my days. Time creeps like a wounded caterpillar, creeping along, losing its way. It finds no juicy leaves to eat but keeps moving, slowly, ever more slowly. I am quite sure my sharp mind is inching along beside it. By now it has reached the 'shut down' mode. Tears don't come often, but come they do. Today is one of those times.

 

The green wooden park bench I sit on most every day, in a way, has become mine alone. Nannies pass me by without a glance. They hold the hands of adorable children who don't even see me. But I see them.
I stay where I am while my mind goes to the hopscotch playground with them.

 

An adorable little white Pekinese on a pink leash parades in front of me. Its master guides the dog to a tree. A memory appears and I can't help but giggle out loud. A mature bulldog, held by a teen, decided my skinny legs were a tree and managed to water me. Its owner apologized profusely. There were no words I could offer to make the lad, the dog or myself comfortable. Being as dignified as I could be under the circumstances , I had no choice but to return home and clean myself up. It was an unpleasant happening but the dog didn't bite me, didn't have a friend with him. That incident comes to mind fairly often and I wonder if the young man tells the story and laughs at my shock and discomfort.

 

The oaks and the maples begin to shake a little. The sound of the wind is music to my ears. The nannies hurry back the way they came, dragging along the children who don't want to go home yet. I watch them, and realize that I don't want to go home either. It's lonely. My aged friends have moved to retirement homes or with children who do their duty and are already trying to send their parents to a home.

 

The wind gets a little stronger, a lot stronger. Leaves twirl, spin to earth. I gather my small case, look around to make sure I have left nothing on or under the bench and a fit of foolishness makes me laugh. What could I have dropped, lost? All I had with me was a paper bag with a peanut butter sandwich in it and I am quite sure I ate that.

 

My watch has stopped but I know the time is right. There is a crack, a loud snap and a tree dies and falls. I was that tree.