Dancing ?

TIME TO GO

 

'Yes, yes, yes, the door is wide open and I'm going in! Who unlocked it? Why tonight, a Saturday night like all others...Great! Fun! My evening gown is lovely, black chiffon, empire bodice with classy elegant black beads that sway a little as I walk into the clubhouse, my husband's arm around my waist. There are no bumps or scars on my milky white arms that noone sees. White suede gloves reach over my elbows. As usual, I feel like Cinderella  going to the ball. Tonight Doug and I enjoy the company of about 300 of the 400 club members. There are no strangers. The band plays loud and the floor rocks. My 'beloved' husband, as usual, has not complimented me. He has never said, 'Honey, you look ravishing. Let's dance!' Doug doesn't realize he's a lousy dancer, never with the rhythm, skipping beats. When we do now and then dance together he always, always tells me to stop leading. He's right, I do lead because he can't.

 

We locate our table for ten where four beaded or sequined evening purses rest. The Twist has almost everybody on their feet. Doug leaves me standing at my place, squeezes onto the dance floor and cuts in on Jack and Ruthie. Ruthie, petite and perfect is considered the best dancer in the club. Her husband is so so. We switch partners. When we return to our table, Doug barely speaks. His color is almost ashen. He whispers to me that he doesn't feel well and wants to go home. From that moment on the open door begins to slowly close. The healthy man's
health disintegrates. His pallor becomes yellow. Doug has cancer that doesn't stop us from traveling, being with our friends, trying to pretend all is right with our world.

 

We don't go to our Saturday night socials every week but manage it as often as possible. On June 15th, 2001, as we say goodnite to the stragglers in our club lobby, Doug squeezes my hand and tells me to listen. Echos of the band playing Blue Bayou, Doug's most favorite song, drift to us. He looks at me with what I believe are tears and asks me to return to the dance floor to dance  with him. My heart breaks. We make it and he holds me close, tells me he loves me. I let him lead and he adds, 'You look so gorgeous tonight.' The valet has brought our car and we head for home.

 

The door closes slowly, never completely shuts.