Hair today- not gone tomorrow

THE BEARD

 

Methuselah must have had a beard. He lived such a long time, had no scissors or Atra razor. Sometimes I still dream about him trying to walk, falling into a huge, rough ocean and being rescued by an elephant on Noah's Ark but the poor elephant gets tangled in Methuselah's beard, falls overboard and drowns.  Once my mom came in my room, woke me and mentioned she had heard me either laughing or crying and was checking on me. My face was wet and I was not sure myself what did it.

 

I'm over that foolishness now but am bothered by bald heads. It's the vogue. Clean, smooth pates, or Mohawk hair cuts are everywhere. I've seen movie stars with bald heads and beards or too much wild hair on their heads and silky smooth faces. I sent P.J. McGuire a note once to trim his beard and glue it on his head. 'You'll look better,' P.J.,' I wrote.
'You will have to look better because you can't look much worse.' McGuire did not take my suggestion.  In fact, he not only looked worse, the darn fool had his ears and tongue pierced. I don't wish cancer on anybody, certainly not P.J., but if he gets it I hope my taxes don't help cover his medical bills.

 

Say, did you ever see a photo of Einstein? He must have stuck a wet finger into a wall socket to make his hair stand up straight. If he was as brilliant as we have been told he was, why didn't he look in mirrors and see how nutty he looked?

 

Take Robert Taylor, well, I did wish I could have. He was a handsome movie star of the 1940's, so you never got a chance to gaze at his handsomeness. There was never a hair out of place on his head if he was loving a lady, fighting, swimming. The best part of his hair do was the perfect widow's peak right in the middle of his forehead. It was so perfect all the time, I was sure he used black shoe polish on it.

 

Nobody's sure but I have always thought of Jesus as a babe in the manger, who, in a split second, grew a gray beard. He didn't sport a mustache. It must have been easier for all the men who later painted pictures of him, no two identical. He really became famous.

 

Going on to back hair, what do the fools who tattoo their  shaved heads and bodies do? I cringe thinking about removing the growing hair with adhesive tape. Ouch, that must hurt!

 

You must think I don't like hair and obsessed with it, but I'm not. It just so happens, at the age of 75, mine is growing, growing in places it never grew before. I'm letting it go rather than get involved with electrolysis on my face. I've been doing that for about a year already and I have a darn good Van Dyke. My very own grown children want me to be institutionalized. They don't want to visit me, don't take me out to lunch anymore.

 

They make no pretense at not liking to see their mother with a beard.