Caring

PARADISE

 

The smell is so sweet I can taste it. My hand reaches into the clear crystal bowl. My fingers are uncontrollable and dip into the batter that keeps spinning slowly around and around. Bits of chocolate cling to my clean white fingernails. Like the child that I am, my resistance is weak. I lick each nail until it is slippery and shiny again. A warm feeling envelopes me, soft arms wrap around my shoulders. My mother has released her long silver hair from her tortoise combs that I remember so well. The fineness of her hair blows a little, touches my check. Although the sun is shining, warm, a little love chill goes through me.

 

Music plays. It surrounds me with its peace and beauty. I search for my mother, hear her but do not see her. Mother's voice never sounded so lovely before. It makes me think of violins, of Beethoven working on a sonata, of robins laying blue eggs. She trills and thrills me. 'Mother, where are you?' I cry. A soft voice, somewhat shaky answers but it isn't my mother's. The voice is deeper. It calls to me, 'Mammeleh.' I cock my head from side to side and know, know my grandfather is nearby.

 

A babbling brook adds to the symphony that is beginning to fill my thoughts. There is something stuck on a golden rock that makes the water go another way. It looks like–. It looks like–it is, my grand- father's straw boater, the same one he let me wear in the hot New Jersey sun. The water looks so cool but is warm and soothing. The bowler hat just drops, kerplops in and floats to me. I pick it up and find it dry, totally dry, put it on my head and sing, 'If You knew Suzy, like I know Suzy.' How did Maurice Chevalier get inside of me? A soft murmuring wind twirls around me, carries away my grandfather's hat. The Frenchman flies into the wind and is gone.

 

'Mother, Mother, where are you?' I weep. What is this new place that we are in? Why is my Zade here?' 'Darling, don't be frightened. I am here with you, will always be here with you. Can you hear the music? Can you see right thru me?' 'Yes, mother, all of those things. Can you see thru me too?' Mother nods a yes and her beautiful hair floats behind her. Two tiny babes hold on to it but loose their grip. They tumble, one after the other, and land in a huge piece of cotton, white cotton that really looks like a cloud.

 

'Mother, this is a lovely place, but I want to go home, want to see daddy, my teachers, my new school friends.' She holds me close and explains I will see them, all of them, but not for a while. 'Come, come with me now. 'Look at me, I have a special present for you.'

 

Your wings are ready.