Not Gone

MEMORIES ARE FOREVER

 

The little girl runs to him. She is swooped up in his grand-fatherly arms, gives and gets sloppy wet kisses and warm, tight hugs. The two weeks apart fade quickly into the wonder of the now. 'Grand Pa, I missed you. Want to play hide and seek with me? I found a new place to hide.' Grand Pa doesn't want to play but carries her to the living room, says 'Abracadabra' and pulls a real, live white rabbit out of his jacket. Liza screams her excitement. 'Grand Pa, can I hold him?' 'No, Liza, the rabbit is a she but you may hold her for a few minutes. She's still a little girl like you.' 'Oh, Grand Pa, we aren't alike. She has much bigger ears than I do and she isn't learning the alphabet.'

 

He puts her down, holds her hand and calls his other daughter, Sheila, Liza's older sister in, on the pretense of showing them the rabbit. There are smiles and loving moments until the world collapses. Grand Pa has to tell Liza what her mom cannot. He begins by telling her how much everyone loves her. It takes some time to get to the point of the gathering. The rabbit is nuzzling Liza's toes and the little girl laughs until she wets her panties a little. Grand Pa wonders for only a moment why his pants feel wet. 'Liza,' did you just laugh so much you made a little peepee on Grand Pa?' 'I'm sorry, Grand Pa. I didn't mean to do it. It came out all by itself.'

 

'Liza, Mommie, all of us have to tell you something sad. Your daddy, who loves you more than anything or anybody isn't come home in July like we thought.' He takes a deep breath and tells her that her daddy isn't ever coming home. Liza doesn't understand and asks Grand Pa if her mommy wrote him something bad about her. 'No, my Darling,' he starts to say but is stopped as tears are already running down his cheeks. He hasn't shaved since getting the news two days ago.

 

Grand Pa tries once more. 'Liza, your daddy got hurt, hurt very badly. He was in a hospital for a long time. God asked him to come to live in heaven with him and he would feel better.' Liza wants to know how long he has to stay with god. 'Forever and ever.' She gets very angry and says god is mean. He should not make her daddy stay up in the sky. Grand Pa is at a total loss of what to say to the child. He turns to Joan, Liza's mom, who is almost tongue tied. "Come to Mama, Darling. Sit on my lap. Daddy sent me an email with a big hug in it for you .' With that the tears flowed. 'Can I ever visit Daddy in heaven?' 'Yes. Darling, you may visit Daddy some day, when you are much, much older than now, go to school, maybe become a teacher or a ballet dancer, a grand ma. There are so many things for you to do some day and seeing Daddy is just one of them.'

 

With that she manages to smile, brighten her mood, 'Who wants chocolate ice cream with whipped cream on top and a red, red cherry?'
'Mommy, give me an extra big scoop in case Daddy comes down to see us for a while and wants some of mine.'

 

Joan adds jimmies on the whipped cream, sits close to Liza. They pretend they are giving every other spoonful to Liza's daddy. When the bowls are all empty, they play hide and seek. Liza looks and looks for her daddy, in closets, the attic, the basement, finally gives up and just blows a kiss to the sky, says 'Goodnite, Daddy,' and goes to bed.