Don't push

 

SO IT GOES

 

I'm almost ninety, have a 26" waist and boobs almost to my knees. My mind is as sharp as a rusty nail but I know my name is Charlotte, uh, uh? Charlotte What?? When I go mentally thru the alphabet, as soon as I come to 'R' I clap. I know my name, Charlotte Russe! Something is a bit fuzzy. Russe? Rae? I decide on Rae and then remember she was my teacher in the seventh or eighth grade–or on a t.v. show.

 

My great granddaughter is going to the mall. Dolly, that's her name, asks me if I want anything. My eyes light up, my dry mouth starts to water. I tell her what I'd like to have and hand her a one dollar bill. 'Get me a package of Walnettos, a pound of those great big chunks of Hersheys (maybe twenty cents worth). And I'd absolutely love to have a pink and black box of Good and Plenty. 'But, Dolly, dear, whatever you do, don't bend the box or it won't be good for a whistle.'

 

She gives me a bewildered look, 'Gran Ma Ma, tell me those names again. Where will I find them?' 'Dolly,' I reply, ' why in Wapner's corner drugstore, that's where. And don't let the soda jerk cheat us when he weighs the chocolate. All the candies should be in the glass cabinet near the medicine department. Now go, Darling. If there's change, you may keep it.'

 

That young lady comes back without any of my candy but offers me
something else. 'Gran Ma Ma, there is no Wapner's drugstore or any of the candy you asked for in the super market.' 'What did you say, Dolly?
I left my hearing aids up stairs. Will you get them for me?' Dolly raises her voice and asks me where they are. 'Don't you remember? I keep them in my bureau drawer in the right hand, or maybe the left hand, corner under the blue silk kerchief my mother used to carry. I'd get them myself but my arthritis is bothering me again and the steps are getting higher.'
'Dolly, dear, did I forget to tell you or were you not paying attention when I asked you for a brighter light bulb in that lamp next to my bed? I can barely read the print in the Time magazines I have saved. 'Grand Ma Ma, I did change it to one hundred watts last Saturday. Don't you see better?' 'I would see better if I could find my eye glasses. Have you seen them?. She's cute, my great-granddaughter but fibs a little. The light is no brighter at all in my room. 'Grand Ma Ma, your eye glasses are right on your perky little nose!' Aha, I catch her. 'So they are but these aren't my reading glasses. These are good for t.v. not tiny writing.'

 

To save an argument, I head for the stairs hoping to find my other eye glasses and dang, I slip a little, grab the handrail, and hold tight while I scream 'Dolly, Dolly, quick, I may have broken my leg on the stairs. She is on the phone and yells something to me that I can't make out. 'Did you hear me, great grand daughter? I'm scared, may be having a heart attack. Dial 911 just in case I am.'

 

It's no use. That child must be talking to her newest boyfriend or yapping with her oldest girlfriend. I might as well just sit down on the step and wait for her or sit here forever. 'Forever?' That thought does me in. My mind goes haywire as I picture myself in my grave forever. Instead of calling Dolly again, I look up to the hallway ceiling and start my night discussion with god.

 

'God, listen to me. You have your plans and I have mine. I want you to know that I really have had as good a life as I could conjure up and when you  point my way, I'm not afraid and am ready to leave the building. Just don't let me know in advance. Thank you, God.'