MERRY GO ROUND

Yes, he loves me. There is no reason for me to doubt it, but for me, his declarations make little sense. They fly in and out of my head like swallows off to Capistrano. There is no way I can be what he thinks I am. My mirror of truth shows me an old woman, alert, active, who without her realizing it, once must have been quite pretty–but is not now. Current, constant compliments don’t work, don’t make me feel good. Instead they eat into my very being. I hunch my shoulder, glare at him, ask him to ‘cut it out’ while this dear man rattles on.

Yes, I love him too. I am one of many. His heart is made of golden fibers, weaving themselves around his wife, family, friends, strangers. No, he doesn’t live in Calcutta, isn’t a rival to Mother Theresa, but is a far greater humanitarian than I am. We often talk on the phone, email each other. I ask, ‘What are you doing today, Jimmy?’ ‘ I had a golf game set but Harvey’s wife called to let me know that her husband had a heart attack last nite. ‘ Don’t move. I’m leaving now. I’ll pick you up in 15 minutes. I’ll be with you all day. Talk to you later’ He does exactly that, supporting, encouraging, is there for her, there for Harvey.

The next day he is at church, lighting candles for a child he doesn’t know who was shot by a stranger for no known reason. We meet for lunch. First words to me are, ’You look so pretty today. That blue is most becoming.’ His light meal is finished almost before I start mine. ‘I’m sorry, but Will, I told you about him, needs a ride to Johns Hopkins for more tests. I offered to take him.’ And he is gone, staying there with Will thru 5 hours of testing.

Somehow he works into his busy ‘doing unto others’, an occasional tennis match, a movie and time for me. How fortunate I am to have this man in my life who showers me with kindness, endearing words, sympathy, understanding, who ignores my pleas to stop flowering me with compliments I know I do not deserve. He does not see my side of what I see in him, is unaware of what his bright, happy smile does for whoever he touches. How do I respond to this remarkable person?

Easily. I silently love him back.