SOONER OR LATER

I didn’t grasp it. Cowboys and Indians got shot and were back the next Saturday in another movie. My school friend, Harold lost his father, stayed home from school all week. I was sure he would find him hiding someplace, but he never did.

The heat had not yet reached the radiators. Saturday I came downstairs early, dressed, ready for my breakfast and two street car rides to art school. My drawing board and other stuff were where I left them before going to sleep, by the front door. Mother and Dad were sitting in the living room. Only the small reading lamp was lit. Daddy looked up and softly told me I could go back to bed. ‘ No school today. Grandpa died last night.’ ‘But I want to go to school. I practiced a lot and think I know how to mix skin color right. My teacher will give me extra credit.’ I hear Mother crying. Daddy goes over and holds her close. I never saw him do that before so I go over and hold on too.I go downstairs, get my art things, take them in the kitchen to practice some more.

Earlier than usual, Sunday morning I hear my parents, downstairs. They are dressed. Daddy hands me the comics that are mine alone on Sundays. I wait for them every week and spend most of the day drawing the Katzenjammer Kids, Mutt and Jeff, Winnie Winkle. My friends live and talk to me. ‘ We’ll be at Grandma’s house, Esther. Aunt Mollie will bring you over later. Be a good girl.’

‘Aunt Mollie, did Grandpa really die? Why? You mean I’ll never, ever see him again?’ Aunt Mollie only nods her head, ‘Yes.’ I don’t believe her. ‘If he went away, where did he go? Why isn’t he coming back?’ ‘Esther, darling, I can’t answer your questions. Grandpa must be in heaven with god. We can’t see them but we know they are together and that Grandpa is safe, well and happy. We will have to believe that forever.’ ‘No! No! Grandpa wouldn’t leave me. Who is gong to buy me ice cream cones, tell me stories, going to color with me when I get the grippe again?’ ‘Esther, it’s time to go to Grandma’s house. Ready?’ ‘No, I’m not ready. If Grandpa’s not there, I’m not going. ‘ Aunt Molly takes my hand and we go.

Strangers are going in and out. I never saw any of them before. Most going in are carrying little presents, presents without pretty ribbons and bows. Nobody rings the bell or knocks. They walk right in. Aunt Mollie, tickles me, smiles and say, ‘Be quiet. Be a good girl.’ Mother is in the crowded living room, sitting on an empty wooden orange crate, next to my Uncle Maishe and Aunt Sally. They have black ribbons pinned to their clothes. It is easy to see Mother had been crying. Her eyes are red and puffed up. Mrs. Bonder puts a box of cookies on the old piano, next to other boxes. “Momma, can I have a cookie, please?’ ‘Not now, Esther. Maybe later. Why don’t you go play in the back yard for a while. Cousin Stanley is out there.’

‘Momma, where is Grandpa? Aunt Mollie said he is in heaven with god. Is he really? How did he get up in the sky? There’s Grandma.’ ‘Grandma, Grandma, tell these people to go home. It’s too crowded in here. Are you going to go see Grandpa? Can I go if you go?’ Grandma starts to cry, puts one arm around me and uses her other to blow her nose in one of the handkerchiefs I gave her for her birthday. ‘No, Darling, Esther. We can’t visit Grandpa now. We have to wait our turn. God will call us some day.’ ‘But, Grandma, I don’t want to wait. I want Grandpa to come home soon.’ ‘He is home, Sweetheart. He’s with us now. He’ll always be with us. Just keep him in your mind and heart. He’ll know your miss him. Now go out in the back yard with the other children. ‘ Grandma, please don’t you go away too. I love you.’

I walk over to the piano, take a big, unopened box of cookies, go out in the yard to share them with my cousins and strangers.
A strong credit score is 700 or above.