NOT DOING ANYTHING –MUCH

I was getting pretty antsy standing on the corner of Fayette and Madison, waiting for a break in traffic. A muddy green cheese- box bus stopped in front of me. The door pulled back and an authoritative, heavy voice called out, ‘Get on, Lady. I’ve got a schedule to keep.’ There was no other lady except me. What possessed me to obey, I don’t know but I got on. ‘25 cents in the box, Lady.’ Mechanically I took a nickel and 2 dimes from my purse and watched the coins click and disappear. Two people, sitting on the opposite side of the narrow aisle, didn’t even look up at me. They just stared out the window.

For the first few minutes I recognized the shops we passed, the theater, the main library, but not the painted houses next to it. They looked very odd, out of place. ‘Driver, where are we? I wanted to go to the market.’ ‘Lady, you paid your 25 cents and you are going where I am going.’ Heckles ran up my spine. Was I being bus-napped? Through the front window I saw a river. ‘What river is that, Driver? ‘Where you been, Lady? That’s the Pauxatomy.’ The bridge across it was one lane each way with ordinary chicken wire tacked to the wooden pilings. The long gray river flowed smoothly. My hands were clenched, my fingers in a death grip. One tiny accident, one bump, a flat tire and it would be my end and the end of this strange bus ride.

Safely across, the wooden houses all had wooden fences around them. There was a barber shop with a twirling red and white pole to announce open for business. A small red flag had a picture of a cow and a chicken appliqued on one side. It must have been a butcher shop. ‘Driver, What town is this? Where are we going?’, What difference does it make what town, we are already out of it.’

Another few miles over hills, we passed swaying corn fields. Traffic began to pick up. No cars at all, just horse drawn carriages. A few people waved to my bus. In reply, he simply nodded his head. That was when the two passengers that were on the bus with me left, not saying a word or glancing my way. ‘Out, Lady. This is the end of the line.’ ‘When is the next bus that can take me back home. I have something important to do there.’ ‘No idea, lady. On the corner is Mrs. Flander’s place. Go get yourself some of her delicious corn bread.’ With no choice, I got off the bus. Mrs. Flanders had a warm smile and twinkling gray eyes. ‘Welcome, stranger. Would you like a hot cup of green tea with my world famous corn bread? There’s homemade orange marmalade on the table? Before she got very far, I called, ‘Wait, wait, please. Let me look in my purse. I didn’t expect to be here and know I don’t have a lot of money with me.’ Mrs. Flanders walked away. I found six crumpled dollar bills and 75 cents in coins. What the? Where is my wallet? Who crumpled my bills? My lunch was one dollar. Mrs. Flanders refused a tip. ‘May I use your phone, please?’ ‘If I had one, you’d be welcome to it, but I don’t. If you need it, you can use our outhouse, right out the back door.’ I declined.

From there I started my walk back, hoping my direction was where the driver had been. My feet blistered, My legs cramped. The barber pole was no longer twirling and was behind me. The river stretched ahead with no lane for walkers. The sun was getting low, dying and I would soon join it. A few cars went over the bridge and then I blinked. I saw the green cheese- box bus coming my way. It was moving very slowly towards me. I took a chance and stood defiantly in the middle of the road. He stopped and opened the door. It was not the same driver. ‘50 cents in the box, Lady.’ No argument from me. I dropped my two quarters in the slot and we were off. ‘Hold on!’ the driver yelled. There was a bump, a loud bump. My eyes closed in fear.

I felt myself being lifted, smelled something antiseptic, saw a flash of white. Warm flesh touched my hand. The ‘white flash’ spoke, ‘Your mother and father are here. Your new son will be brought in as soon as he is cleaned up. Eight pounds, six ounces, all his toes and fingers. What a fabulous patient you were. You slept almost all the way through the delivery.

Come back again! The welcome mat will be out for you.’