LIE DOWN: I saw her nose - -Honest

I am sitting between my husband, Jason and his younger brother, Roy. The day is gray, mournful. A disc of Bette’s favorite song, ‘Pennies From Heaven’ barely hums through the chapel. My mother-in-law is lying in a walnut casket. It is open, exposing the cream colored soft silk pillow. A matching cover reaches from her toes to her waist. Friends walk slowly past, touching cold fingers, dropping a few white rose petals around her. Two out of state cousins who only come to weddings and funerals kiss her forehead.

 

The family sits in the first two pews. I can barely see Bette’s little pug nose above the edge of the casket. My brain snaps a picture of its ashiness, imbeds itself forever. Shutting my eyes so tightly they hurt, but do not erase that image. This upsets me. I don’t want to see Bette dead . For me she is destined to stay alive, smile, be warm, loving. Shaking my head does not clear the sad lifeless image. 

 

When I stare into empty space, Bette sits up, sees my sorrow. She holds onto the sides of her resting place and works her way out. There she is alive, walking towards me. Jason pokes me and tells me to wipe that silly smile off my face. People are looking. ‘Was I smiling, Jay?’ ‘Darn right you were. What’s wrong with you? That’s my mother in that box, show some sorrow for god’s sake.’

 

Bette looks with gray almost lifeless eyes at her son. ‘He loved me, loved me a lot. Don’t upset him. Jason’s going to really miss me.’ I put my hand over my mouth and pretend a cough. In a whisper I say, ’Ill miss you too, Bette. Stay with me a while, please.’

 

There is music, loud music. The mourners look around to see what is going on. They see nothing out of place, but I do. It is Bette, holding her flowing dress, inside the Family Room. She had put the disc of Pennies from Heaven on loud and was skipping in circles. Reverend Blackmore hurries in to turn it off. She turns it on again. He pulls the plug and leaves perturbed, unsure of how this disgraceful thing happened. The mourners are outside waiting for the family to get into the limos behind the hearse for their ride to the cemetery. I look for Bette and can just see her nose protruding from the coffin.

 

Jason looks disheveled, angry, blames me for the music. I protest and he starts to pull me outside when he sees a penny on the floor. He says nothing, picks it up and puts it in his pocket. I say nothing either as I have already found nine pennies around the disc player. My husband and I go to the limo in silence.

 

I wave goodbye to Belle, put my fingers in my purse, and silently count the present she left for me.