Jan and I have discussed a vacation together for years and always come to the same conclusion, it won’t work well. In 2008 we believe we have mellowed and it is time we seriously consider going someplace in Europe together. There are many advantages to be had. Single rooms cost as much as double so we can get twins beds. Guides, cabs rates are divisible by two. We decide to see a travel agent but don’t know of anyone in particular and go on line. Yowee, there must be 20 within two miles of our apartments.
Before we make a decision we argue if we should go on a Greek cruise or land trip through Italy. We both want both. The childish and only way to decide is a coin flip. Jan tells me to flip. She has chosen heads, Italy. I want to go on a cruise thru the Greek Islands. I flip the quarter too high. It wobbles and rolls in the gutter. We lose it. I toss a nickel and it lands tails up for Greece. The die is cast. Jan looks a bit glum but doesn’t bitch. My exuberance is held in check.
The biggest, most interesting URL on line for travel agents in our area is Acropolis Tours and we head over there. Andrea, the agent, loads us with brochures, suggests we use a Greek ship that is run by Greeks and many natives vacation on it. It is smaller than French and American ships, much friendlier and less costly. Meeting Greeks will give us a real taste of the islands. Jan and I promise to decide soon but we don’t. It takes us two weeks and by then the Parthenon is fully booked.
I give Jan hell. ‘It’s your fault. Now we have to select another ship fast or the islands will be overflowing with college students. That’s when I am shocked. Jan has changed her mind. Let’s go to Italy!’ She calls Margo, the agent who gave us all the Greek info, and Margo no longer works for Acropolis tours. We call another agency, the Globe,
explain what we are after and are asked if we can come in as soon as possible. ‘As soon as possible?’ I ask. ‘How’s fifteen minutes?’ Carla has lots of brochures piled on her desk. Jan and I think this is a good omen. This agent is on the ball. First we give her the dates we want, two weeks between May 1 and 30, Rome is a must, Venice a double must, Venice a high priority, the Sistine Chapel. If possible, we would like to go to Capri. We definitely want escorted tours, shared rooms in decent hotels, private baths, breakfasts available. Our conversation is taped. Carla studies her computer, finds the best routes, plane connections, discounts, even suggests tour guide tips. All this she prints out for us and gets serious.
‘Are your passports in order?’ ‘Oh, my lord!’ Jan and I shout out as one. ‘No, we don’t have them yet!’ The agent gasps. ‘How could you not have gotten them yet? How could you not realize they take time?’ Carla gives us a pre-printed list of where to go, what we have to bring and the cost. I don’t know about Jan’s heart but mind races wildly. ‘The cost for a rush passport is now $150. First we have to get passport photos made by next Monday and then stand in line at the passport office, probably most of the day. It is possible you won’t get discount plane tickets, but that doesn’t matter much as the discount prices disappear as all airlines charge for baggage now.
Carla goes on and on. ‘You really should have cancellation insurance. That costs $500. ‘I want to help you ladies but doubt that I can. I can’t book anything until you have your passports in hand. I suggest you do that and come back in June so we can make early fall arrangements for you. That would be after August 15 when thousands and thousands of college students return home and October 15 when weather can be iffy. Non-stop, Carla remarks, ‘Call me this afternoon so I can check to see if there is any possibility you two nitwits can go where you want, when you want.’
Jan turns bright red. She is broiling hot, ready to spit. ‘How dare you call us nitwits! You are the nitwit. Put your brochures back in their slots and erase our taped conversation.’ She roughly hands me my purse and thrusts hers under her arm.. With her head held high enough that her nose could freeze, she stomps out of the travel agency. I tail behind her.
We stand outside and I tell her I can’t spend so much money on photos, a passport, insurance and besides, I can’t go any place with a hot head like she is. I am forced to drive her home. As she gets out of my clinker car, I call her. ‘You were right, Jan, to be so insulted but Carla was right too.
See you tomorrow. Maybe we can make plans for skiing in Vermont for Christmas.’
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