Missing: INTO THE DARK

Day is just opening its eyes. My slippers are where I left them on the floor next to my side of the bed. They are turned so I can step right into them without bending over. Mary, my wife, barely moves but manages, in her still sleepy voice, to say ‘Goodbye, Lover. Be careful out there.’ She gets a quick but caring peck on her neck from me as I head towards the window to lift the shades.

I see nothing outside but gray, damp fog. It works magic on me and I get temporarily depressed. I pocket that feeling and go downstairs to fix my breakfast, a large glass of cold Florida O.J. to wash down my daily vitamin allowance, a package of Quaker instant oatmeal goes in the bowl Mary has left on the table for me as well as raisins in a plastic bag. I drown them in milk and they all get nuked together.

At 7:30 I am ready to go out in the gloom and add my black face to my neighbors as we head to the docks. The fog is almost impenetrable. I hear voices. Steps sound like they are in a distant cave. Nobody seems to see me. I feel invisible. Curley’s footsteps near me. He doesn’t stop. ‘Hey, Curley, what’s the hurry? Wait for me,’ I call. ‘Hey, are you deaf? Wait for me.’ Curley walks on and joins two of our fellow workmen, Jim and Malcolm.  Now I am really nervous. In the damp fog, I start to sweat. Are my buddies deaf, blind? Am I dead? My feet feel like they are in cement blocks yet I can lift them and rush ahead of Jim and Curley. Jim stops to pick up a quarter that may have fallen out of a hole in his pocket.

He swings right and still doesn’t see me. It’s as if I don’t exist. Like a whimpering child, I stand there, bewildered, really frightened. Malcolm asks, ‘Have any of you seen Tyrone since last night? ‘No,’ says Andy, ‘but I talked to him on the phone last night trying to set up a poker game. He couldn’t make it. I’ll call him now. Maybe he’s sick.’ I touch Andy’s hand but there is no response. I don’t want him to call Mary. She’ll worry too much. I knock the cell out of Andy’s hand. It drops on the cement pavement and may have cracked.

There are two huge container ships ready for us. Most of the gangs are ready. I am ready too but nobody knows it. Nobody sees me. The sun is making an effort to force itself into the day. I look up to where it should be and call out, ‘Hey, Lord, excuse my familiarity and my lack of coming to church every week, but I need you, need you now. Nobody sees me. Nobody hears me. If I am dead, just let me know. I’ll go anywhere you send me. Please, oh Lord. Help me!’

The sun begins to warm the sky, the air, the bay. The fog lifts its wings and flies north.

Curly, Jim, Malcolm have their backs to me as they get in line for assignments. I take one more chance and call out, ‘Hey, Curly, Jim, wait up. I’m in line behind you.’ The turn around and see me, actually see me. They wave. Curly yells the loudest, ‘Where the hell have you been. We’ve been worried about you, thought you might have died in the night.’

I pull myself together and say all I can. ‘Don’t sweat it, Guys. I’m here now and that’s good enough for me and will have to be good enough for you.’