Ancient?

WHIRLING

 

It's 3 a.m. I open my eyes. My big t.v. is still blasting. The bed lamp is on. The waning moon looks pale, almost lost in the dark sky. I am alone in my bed as I have been for 15 years and am reluctant to start my usual dull day again. 'Self,' I tell myself, 'Don't get up, don't even put one foot on the floor. Not yet. Not yet.' My good sense perseveres. The digital clock silently tells me it is 3:18. I take a chance. Before my foot reaches the carpet, finds my slippers, the wooziness begins. The room spins like a dervish and I fall back on my pillows. I know I am  not ill because my internist told me this dizziness is normal. It comes with being old. 88 IS old.

 

With my choices being pass out and maybe die or just lie still and let the dizziness go away, I choose to lie still until 9:30. Slowly, carefully, without looking down, I hold my breath and try again.The dizziness is less but not gone. This time I move even more slowly than the last and must lie back again, barely getting to my pillows, before I start to cough, unwittingly close my eyes and spin like a top, calling as I whirl, 'Daddy, Daddy, I'm home.'

 

The smell of Sen Sen draws me into his office. My daddy always has it in his mouth when he fixes teeth. I take some from his little black shaker when he isn't home. It isn't sweet like candy but it makes my mouth feel cool.

 

Mrs. Morgan has a paper napkin on her lap and a black band attached to another napkin wrapped around her neck. Daddy sees me and shoos me out. The sound of the drill he is using to fix her back tooth gives me goose pimples. I am happy to leave. I sit on our marble steps that are like all the others on my block and stare at Daddy's sign. It says, Harry B. Gold, DDS-X-RAYS. Thru the frosted windows I can make out Daddy finishing with Mrs. Morgan. As soon as she leaves I hurry back into Daddy's office to catch him before the next patient is seated. 'Daddy,' I ask. Can Shirley and I have some quicksilver? We love to play with it.' He tells Mrs. Courtney to sit down, gets her fixed with the paper napkins, and takes a minute to pour some quicksilver into two see-thru containers for Shirley and me. He gives me a quick kiss, turns to the sink and washes his hands with the bar of orange Lifebuoy soap that smells so clean. I love the smell and breathe it deeply into my nose.

 

At the heavy front door my precious quicksilver slips out of my hand. The silver slides everywhere. With a piece of note paper, I gather some of the slippery round balls and drop them back into one vial. Most of it is under the radiator and I barely have enough for just me. I don't mention my carelessness to Shirley.

 

Fridays are Daddy's days off. I hardly see him but can hear him typing madly all day long as he writes books. Mother has to call him for lunch over and over until he finally stops that tap, tap, tapping for a while. I have lunch with them and wait downstairs until I hear the typewriter start again.

 

I go into his office, open every drawer of instruments, even the glass cabinet where the pliers are to pull out teeth. When I am sure, positively positive, he will not come downstairs, I pump up the dental chair, stand on it so I can reach the drill. I lower it, take out the little thing on the end and put a brush in its place. On it I put a little pink polish, that tastes better than baking soda to brush my teeth in our bathroom. I step on the starter and brush the lower teeth first and then the top, rinse my mouth from the paper cup I have filled and spit it in the whirling water. Carefully, I dry all the wet places I made and put everything back just the way it always is.

 

If my Daddy ever finds ou what I do, he will definitely, positively , finally give me a barber strop whippin'. He has warned me of that whippin' many times for many reasons but hasn't done it yet. Now that I am old, the memory remains so strong, I can still hear the swish of it in my dreams as he hits the kitchen table. My eyes open slowly. I rub them a little, hear my t.v. still blaring. Daddy and I had a short, sweet time together.

 

With no trouble, I can sit up in bed, turn off the t.v., bend over slowly and step into my slipper.

 

I move, the room doesn't.