LITTLE GIRL–IN WAITING

I guessed. ‘ Raisel, my sister is going to make me an aunt. Right, Mom?’My sister, aged sixteen and only four years older than I am, holds her tongue, studies her shoes and stays silent. ‘Why do you say that, Darling?’ Mother asks. ‘Because, because you and Daddy were whispering in the hall and you whisper too loud. ‘Raisel, are you getting married? Can I come to your wedding?’ Mama pushes me, tells me to be quiet and go downstairs. ‘I want to go to the wedding, please, please.’ My sister starts to cry.

I go downstairs, out the front door. Roz, my best friend, and Harold, are trading Dick Tracy/Prune Face cards on his steps. ‘Hey, Roz, guess where I’m going.’ She looks up for a second and asks where that might be. I almost shout. ‘To a wedding, to a wedding!’ Barely a mumble comes from her throat. ‘That’s nice, and who is getting married?’ I blurt it out. ‘My sister.’ Roz replies, ‘So what’s the big deal? Will I be invited?’ ‘And guess what else, Roz, I’m going to be an aunt!’ Again she asks, ‘So what? I have five aunts and hardly ever see them except on Yom Kippur.’ ‘Well, I’m not going to be like your fuddy duddy aunts.

‘You know my mother doesn’t hear so good and when she whispers I can hear her even when she is upstairs. I heard her tell Raisel not to worry. When she gets married her new husband and the baby can live in our house. Imagine, a live baby, a real baby. I have to take good care of my dolls in case the baby is a girl. Roz goes her way. I go mine, back into the house so I can learn more about the wedding. Maybe Mama will buy me a new dress.

Mom, Dad, Raisel and Joseph are sitting around the kitchen table. Nobody is smiling. I walk in and Daddy tells me to go outside and play. They are having a private conversation. What can I do, but go?I sit alone on our gray stone front steps, counting the red streetcars going downtown and the ones coming back headed for the car barn. Joseph comes outside, pats me on the head and says, ‘So long, soon-to-be-sister-in-law.’ Wow! I hug him. He doesn’t want to be hugged and walks away. Supper time is quiet. I ask questions about the wedding, the baby, get no answers. Daddy finishes his coffee, smokes a Raleigh, and goes in the living room to listen to Jack Benny. I clear the table and go in to sit on his lap. ‘Sssh sssh. Hope Rochester is on tonight too.’ ‘One thing, before Jack says, ‘Jell-O again. Am I invited to the wedding?’ He shakes his head hard and says, ‘No, you are going to be Maid of Honor, so stop making so much noise. ‘Do I get a new dress, Daddy?’ ‘That’s a second question. You said you only had one, but NO, no new dress.’ Tomorrow our family will meet Joseph and his parent’s at the Rabbi’s house in the afternoon, 4 o’clock I think Mama said. There will be no music, no dancing, just us and the Rabbi. It is my turn to cry and I do.

The service is in Hebrew, takes too long. Joseph steps on a glass that is wrapped in a cloth napkin. The Rabbi says Mazel Tov. Joseph kisses Raisel and we go to our cars. ‘Aren’t we going home, Daddy?’ Daddy keeps his eyes on the busy street but says nothing. I recognize where we are headed and when Daddy parks in front of Shumsky’s kosher restaurant, at last I am smiling. Joseph’s parents park behind us. There are many customers but we have a reserved table and are greeted, seated quickly. The waiters, as usual wear, black pants, long sleeve white shirts and large white aprons tied twice around their bellies. They walk around our table and throw rice at Raisel and Joseph. Some people clap. Dinner is great. Everybody eats too much, drinks too much wine, begins to talk to each other. I have no new dress, no wine and no money to buy my sister a wedding present. This turns out to be the saddest, happiest day of my life.

What I DO have is patience..and I AM GOING TO BE THE BEST AUNT EVER.