DON'T QUESTION

I opened my eyes. The room was dark except for the three small blue numbers on the bottom of my t.v. screen, 3:30. My cheeks and pillow were damp. Sadness was leaking from my dream.

 

Why was I the only one in my bed? Where was Robert, I sobbed. He belongs here with me. A much too vivid picture developed itself in my mind. I saw him in a plain wooden box, so still, so pale that I had to blink and blink to try to return to reality. I did not succeed. He moved slightly, ever so slightly, tried to get up. A soft whisper brushed my ear. ‘Annie, don’t move. Wait for me.’

 

The three small blue lights shimmered, got a little bigger. The room lightened a tiny bit. A musty odor went past me, floated out the window. And that is when I smelled the sweetness of Dolce de Gabbana. My nostrils twitched as I inhaled its aroma. Uncontrolled, my voice softly asked Robert to come back to me. I wondered, worried if I said it loud enough and did it again and again.

 

Smooth, cool fingers touched mine, helped me get out of bed and let go. I was drawn to the closet where a coolness loosened my nightgown. It dropped to the floor. Unbidden, I put on my brown tweed slax, the cleaner’s tag still stapled to the waist.  Robert had liked those slax and surprised me with a tan silk blouse to go with it. I needed no underwear, no stockings, just brown wedgie shoes and I was ready for whatever was coming.  I knew that would be Robert. He hated the cold and dirt. He was coming back to me.

 

I couldn’t see him but felt him. We walked heart in heart to the garden gazebo. A bright yellow moon lit the lilac bushes. I sat down on the bench, neither moved nor spoke. Goldie, the beautiful golden retriever next door, started to growl, then bark. Her nose was pointed right at the gazebo. She knew her friend was there.

 

‘Mom, where are you?,’ our daughter called. ‘I’m here in the garden, Shiela.’ As she came closer, she asked, ‘Why are you wearing Daddy’s Dolce de Gabbana, Mom?’ Truth is truth and I told her I wasn’t wearing it, her father was. ‘Honey, he’s here. I know he’s here. We both smelled it.’

 

A black cloud crossed over the moon. A slight chill felt eerie. Once inside we both sniffed. She asked me if I was having company for dinner tomorrow and I replied, ‘Company? How can I have company now when Dad isn’t here? ‘But, Mom, he is. You know it and so do I. If you aren’t making his favorite chilli, why does the kitchen smell like you are?’ The questions, the unknown, made us both nervous. I opened the kitchen and living room windows. The heavenly odors mixed with gasoline fumes and disappeared.

 

In my bedroom, the t.v. screen had come on by itself. The three small blue numbers still read 3:30. No picture was on the screen but the room was light enough for me to see a gift wrapped bottle of Dolce de Gabbana on my bureau.

 

As soon as I touched the red and black satin ribbons, the t.v. went off and the blue numbers flashed 4:00.