Lost

FAR AWAY

 

Evening is closing down. Night is falling fast. I am so tired I could lie down in the gutter, use the curb for a pillow and sleep as if I were in my warm soft bed. My legs are aching. My feet are swollen, bursting out of my sandals. I can't find her, my darling, my darling daughter grown into womanhood. I don't remember eating today yet am not hungry, don't care at all if I die of starvation, as long as I can find my daughter, hug her, tell her how much joy she has brought into my life.

 

Where is she? Does she live in New York or in D.C.? I know I knew, but can't remember. A young lady walks past me, stops to ask if I am alright. 'May I help you, Ma am?' she asks. My lungs burst as the words pour out. 'Yes, yes, help me find my daughter. She's all grown up and I am supposed to meet her for dinner.' The nice lady asks me my daughter's name and I start to tell her–but can't. I don't remember. Handing her my purse, I ask her to look in it as I always carry emergency numbers in the middle section. It's too dark to see well but she has a small pocket flashlight in hers, looks carefully in mine and let's me see what she sees. There is a roll of Tums, a pen, one lipstick, a set of keys and a money clip. She counts it for me, two hundred dollars in assorted bills, looks at me and asks, 'What do these keys open?' Tears fill my eyes. 'I don't know, I don't know.'

 

'What is your name?' I ask her. 'Toby,' Toby asks me if I would like to go in the coffee shop on the corner, get something to eat. I don't want to go. I want to find my daughter. 'I told you my name,' Toby says, 'Now you tell me yours.' My lips move but no word comes out. 'I can't remember my name, Toby. Call me Toby 2.' 'Stay right here for a minute Toby 2.' I shuffle my aching feet but stay right where she told me to stay. It doesn't take her long to come back with a policeman.
'Toby 2, I have to go home now. This handsome officer is going to take care of you. You will find your daughter. Goodbye.'

 

I look at the policeman she called handsome and don't think he is good looking at all. 'Mr. Policeman, I can't remember where I am to meet my daughter. Am I in NY now or Washington, DC?' 'You are in NY and I am going to try to help you. Let's go into the coffee shop where it is warm and light and you can tell me what you do remember.' He holds my hand and we walk in step. I feel stronger by his side.

 

'What is your name? Where do you live?', he asks first. 'Oh, I do remember that. Toby 2.' He looks at me, smiles, does not write that down in the book he is carrying. 'I don't remember where I live but maybe if you drive me around a while, I'll see my house.' 'Miss Toby 2, I can't do that. I have to listen for messages and do what the Chief tells me to do. I am going to take you to NY City Central Hospital and will stay with you until somebody can help you. How's that?' 'That will be fine,' I reply,' but I've looked everywhere and don't remember where else to tell them to look.' 'Don't be frightened, Miss Toby 2. If you can't find her and the hospital can't find her she must be someplace looking for you.' 'That makes sense, maybe she is looking where I have already been and won't find me.'

 

Riding in the police car feels good. I take off my shoes, wiggle my toes.
'Do you know how to play Tiddlywinks, Mr. Officer. It is such an easy, fun game but I haven't played it with my dau----I stop—daughter Evelyn.' Officer my daughter's name is Evelyn.' 'Evelyn what?' 'I don't know. I don't know. Wait, I'll do the alphabet. A, B. C, D, no her name doesn't start with those letters.' 'What comes after D, Ma am?' 'Is it 'L'?'. We play this game while driving to NY Central Hospital. 'I get to
W,X, Y, Z and shout out Waldman. My daughter's name is Waldman. Now I don't remember her first name.' He tells me her name is Evelyn Waldman,' and asks if I am Mrs. Waldman. 'NO, I told you I'm Toby 2.'
'Maybe you are Toby 2 Waldman,' he says and I tell him, 'Maybe.

 

There is so much traffic in NY that our drive to the hospital takes a long time. The policeman's radio comes on and  he is being told to look out for a senior citizen who has wandered from her home. Her daughter is frantic. The mother is about 5'3", weighs about 130 lbs., is 85 years old and has bleached blond hair. She was last seen leaving her room for lunch and has been missing since 1 p.m. yesterday.' 'Toby 2,' he shouts with joy. 'That sounds like you.  I have to call my station.' He clicks something and I hear a lot of static but he seems to understand what is being said. We stop at the next red light, make a U turn and drive to the police station. The captain has an old picture of me and I have to explain that was taken 20 years ago when I was young. What are you doing with my picture?'

 

'Mrs. Walgreen, your daughter is on her way here to get you.'
'My name isn't Walgreen. It's Waldman, isn't it?'