Give and Take

TWO SIDES

 

There are times Goldie bubbles like champagne when the cork pops. Words tumble from her pouting lips. I want to squeeze her, kiss that inviting mouth. Once, only once, I try it and get kicked in my manhood. With her eyes closed, she turns a little left, doesn't apologize for the pain she has inflicted on me and aims again. This time I am ready, grab her leg, hold it tight as she tries to make a hopping escape but I trap her. Goldie drops to the floor ready to succumb to my desire but I am no longer interested. I slap her hard across her face, warn her to never kick me again, nip at her lower lip and leave her crying.

 

My going peacefully to sleep now requires a strong, warm shower, a mild non-addictive sleeping pill, and enough bed space so I can not feel the tail between my legs. I can control my emotions just so long. I was wrong, so was Goldie. A little bug whispers in my ear. 'Be the big one, Neil, call Goldie, clear the stuffy air.'

 

Still hesitating I go into the den, look at the monster white phone and click on #6 speed dial. It rings so fast at Goldie's I lose my nerve and hang up, lean back in my leather desk chair and bring my friendly computer to life. Before it gets a chance to offer me the world my phone rings. Without considering who might be calling me nine p.m., the simple word 'hello' is recognizable. I don't give her a chance to speak, I tell her the truth, more or less. 'I was thinking of you and was getting ready to call you and coincidence, has happened, like telepathy.'
You called me.' Goldie hesitates, lets me know , 'You DID call me Neil.'
I start to deny it but am told my number was on her phone as caller ID.' My denials would be meaningless but explain I don't have that or call waiting either. There is a silent lull until I drag out the word, 'Sooo,' Goldie replies with her own 'Sooo,' Simultaneously we say, 'I'm sorry.'

 

The week goes by, two. I don't know where Goldie is, what she is doing wit whom and try not to think about the many possibilities too often. I've come to a lousy conclusion. She must be going out of her way to avoid me. The possibility is eating into my gut. My libido is just about dead. I revert to my teens, carry my cell everywhere, sit by the phone at home and wait. I can't, just can't call her. I showed her that I cared about her yet she kicked me in my gonads. Her little 'Im sorry' didn't heal my body.

 

Valentine Day is just a few days away. I force myself to acknowledge it, check out the price of a dozen roses. Too steep for me. A red heart box of chocolates? She's a nut about her weight. I stop in the card store look over hundreds of cards, none strike me right until I find a  cute one of two teens arguing. On the outside a pretty girl and handsome boy are wearing huge boxing gloves. Each has a black eye. Inside they are making up with words of 'Forgive me. I REALLY do love you.' I pay two bucks for it and send it to Goldie in time for the 14th.

 

On that very day I have a lot of mail, magazines, ads, a letter from my Dad and a red envelope, a Valentine. I open it before I get in the house. It is the exact one I sent to Goldie. Nothing will stop me now. I grab the phone, speed dial Goldie.

 

She  answers on the first ring. 'Hi, Neil, I was just going to call you.'