GROWING

DON'T TOUCH

 

At thirteen my physical development is slower than my pals and they  tease me about, whisper behind my back.  'Sandra, how come you are still so flat-chested?' Carole pulls no punches and asks me too often, embarrasses me.  Once in the locker room she lifted her blouse and showed me her bumps. I was not impressed. They looked like pimples. Janet wears a training bra and struts as if she were a movie star. I ask the girls to leave me alone and for a while they do.

 

Jerry calls Carole and asks her to a movie, she says, but I don't believe her. Sandra tells me she is going to the park with Robbie on Sat. I know they tell me to make me feel bad and they succeed. School closes for the summer in two weeks and already I'm left out. Bernice tells me about the swim party at Ft. Collins and asks if I am going. I put on a show of bravado, tell her there is a big Bar Mitzvah luncheon at the Algonquin for a cousin of mine and we are all going. Fibbing, telling her I'm busy almost makes me cry. That I do when I get home and can close my bedroom door.

 

Unbelievably I am asked to the swim party that I said I couldn't make. No big deal. Donald probably asked a lot of girls but nobody wants to go with him. He's a shlump, is fat and picks his nose in public. I don't want to be his date, decide to stay inside on the swim party day and will tell Mom not to answer the phone for anybody. That's asking a lot and I know she'll scold me for lying and answer. I also know she will find some crazy lie to explain why I didn't go to the Bar Mitzvah.

 

August 12, I put that date in my mental remembrance book forever. I become a woman and also see the first slight growth in my right breast. That is, if it isn't cancer. I tell my Mom about both, get what she tells me is the traditional Jewish slap in the face when one can have a baby. She slaps me gently, calls my father who shakes my hand and slaps me too.

 

What did I eat? What is happening to me so fast? My breasts are growing like wildfire. Wildfire? Mom can't help but see how tight my blouses are and takes me to be fitted for a bra. Good lord, I want to die of embarrassment when the saleslady tells me I should be proud of myself. She wishes she were as young as I. She says I need a 34 C.  Mom tries to whistle but can't so she just smiles and hugs the growing me.

 

I call Carole and Janet, say nothing about the new me, and ask them to go to a movie with me Saturday. They surprise me when they ask where I've been, ask what I want to see.  I suggest the Paul Neuman film at the Walbrook and we are set for 1:30 at the box office. 

 

If only I had a camera then, the lens might have cracked. Their mouths drop open. They are almost speechless. Janet pulls herself together and asks where I got such a great pair of falsies. 'Falsies? 'These are not falsies. Maybe yours are but mine are nature grown. My Mom bought me an ecru all lace bra last week when I wore a 34C. Now it is too small and I had to order a special 34 D' They are so hard to hook in back that yesterday I thought my head was on backwards.

 

Come on, Girls, let's go inside. I'll show you in the ladies' room.'