WISE

HEART BREAK

 

'Don't do that, Paul. This is private property.' I push his hand away from the buttons on my new silk blouse. He pays no attention, doesn't stop. 'Cut it out or get out!' I say and mean. Paul laughs at me, stands up, straightens his shirt that has come out of his pants and walks towards the front door. With a silly, stupid look on his face, he salutes me and utters, 'Your loss, Lynn.' From the bay window I watch him go towards the street car turnaround.

 

Mother calls down from upstairs, 'Did I hear Paul leave already? Did you have an argument?' 'He left. Go to sleep, Mom.'  By the time I wash and dry our Pepsi glasses and put the dish of Hershey Miniatures back in their plastic bag, Mom's and Dad's bedroom light is out. To be sure they are asleep, I wait a half hour before going to my own room. Their door is slightly open. I can hear Dad's low snores and momentarily believe Mom is getting out of bed to question me. Fortunately I am wrong.

 

I am extra quiet, check my blouse to make sure Paul didn't soil it, lay it on my desk chair, put my new high heeled shoes under it and tiptoe to the bathroom, slowly, quietly close the door so neither the toilet flush nor my washing my face disturbs them. When I see my lipsticked lips naturally pink, I visualize Paul kissing me and me kissing him back. It was nice but I didn't see starlight and moonbeams.

 

Is Mom going to grill bacon or me at breakfast? After her cheery, 'Good morning, Sweetness,' Mom only asks how I want my eggs. She waits until I finish my once over light pancake style and starts in. 'Why did Paul leave so early? Did you two argue?' Words just fly out of my mouth making me look and sound guilty about something. 'Mom' Paul had things to do at home. No, we didn't fight, we just had a difference of opinion on something and I asked him to leave.' Mom's curiosity comes out of her pores. 'So why did you tell him to go?' 'Okay, I asked him to leave because he wanted to do what you are doing now. You are asking private questions and he wanted to do something I didn't want to do for private reasons.' My attitude to my dear and loving mother was not nice. I apologize. All she says is 'Hmph' leaves me sitting at the table with egg on my face.

 

Dad comes into the kitchen for his second cup of Joe and sits down with me. 'What's going on, Lynn? Did you and Paul break up?' 'Dad, I don't know if we broke up or not.' A most quizzical look covers  his handsome face. He hesitates and then asks for an explanation. I want to discuss what happened last night but the words become glue on my tongue. They won't come out. It is clear to me he wants to ask more but holds back and pours himself a third cup of coffee that surely must taste like dishwater by now.
 
'Lynn, does your problem have anything to do with the facts of life?' I feel I am going to faint or just die of embarrassment. 'Tell me. I won't listen,' he says and that breaks the ice. We both laugh. 'Dad, Paul tried to unbutton my blouse and I didn't  want him to so made him stop.

 

Dad doesn't  move for a minute and then starts  to laugh. 'Honey, that's what boys do. They do it even after they are grown men, like I am. If you wanted him to stop, he should have without getting angry...but there again, that's what boys and men do.  Lynn, hold on to the values we have taught you and when you are ready you'll know.  He pats me on my head like when I was a little girl and goes to work.

 

Paul doesn't call me that evening, or the next, or the next. My eyes no longer water. Dad gives a strong, hearty handshake to Aaron when he comes to take me to my prom.

As Aaron and I leave the foyer, I whisper to Dad, 'I'll know.'