EMPTY EYES

White haired, soft spoken, usually pleasant Miss Brainard stands before my second grade class, pointer in hand. The 9 a.m. bell rings. She turns to the just washed blackboard and gives it a light tap for attention. Rustling dresses and shuffling feet stop at once. Miss Brainard says nothing, just nods her head towards me and I stand next to my desk, look at the wall over blackboard #1 and read aloud, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.’ I sit down, fold my hands on my desk. Andy is flag bearer this week. He goes to the corner next to the teacher’s desk, lifts the American flag against his knee as it unfurls. In unison the class says the Pledge of Allegiance without a hitch in the smooth recital. Andy replaces the flag in its corner brace. Our daily routine is well known. We don’t gripe or ridicule it. Buddy stands and leads the Lord’s prayer, ‘The Lord is my shepherd’. Carrol starts to cough, takes the required clean handkerchief from her pocket and gets control.

‘Ouch’ , a small squeak comes from the back of row four. Minyon stands and rubs her ankle. ‘Herby, to the coatroom, NOW. No recess for you today. Stay in and write 100 times on the side blackboard, ‘I’m sorry, Minyon.’ Miss Brainard didn’t have to ask who hurt Minyon, she knows and handles it quickly. Herby does not deny it.

Today is my day for ‘Show and Tell’ and I have something special to show. My Daddy gave me permission. He got it down from the top shelf of his medical cabinet for me, wrapped it in an old terry cloth towel and placed it lightly in a checked cloth shopping bag for me. ‘Be careful. It is very old, Zel. It can crack if you drop it. I’m trusting you to not let anybody hold it except you and Miss Brainard. Promise?’ I promise.

‘Zel has Show and Tell today . Let’s see what she has.’ I leave my seat and take the bag to Miss Brainard’s desk, carefully unwrap ‘the thing’ and hold it in front of the class. My classmates wiggle in their seats, not sure of what I have in my hands. I have to explain. This is a real skeleton head. It was a man about 60 years old. Look, you can still see a few teeth in his mouth. I put my hand inside, ‘This is where his brain was and these big holes were where his eyes used to be.. Really. This is true. My father got it when he was studying medicine at Johns Hopkins. See, I’m not afraid.’ A few girl classmates look away. The boys sit like statues. Miss Brainard thanks me . I re-wrap the skull and sit down. School day is interesting. Kids ask me questions, want to hold the skull, but I had left it with Miss Brainard so nobody could force me to let go. Daddy is pleased with my description of the class, but I have trouble sleeping. Skeletons come into my dreams. They talk. Words come from toothless mouths. They rattle. They shake bony fingers at me. I wake and go downstairs before the sun rises. The office door is seldom locked.

I turn on a light and slowly raise my eyes to the top of the cabinet. Daddy has put the skull back in its place, where I will leave it forever.