LENNY, LENNY, WHERE ARE YOU?

It’s 3 A.M. and I, Sleepless in Philly, go into the hall outside my apartment and my neighbor’s, wearing only my nightgown and slippers. Having been extremely worn out from over-shopping yesterday, I came home, undressed, put on one of the new flannel gowns I had just bought and my comfy robe to do nothing but lounge around until my eyes demand closing. The devil with the mail I didn’t pick up in the lobby. I’ll get it before I go to work in the morning. Nobody hears me. It is so easy being alone, no snappy rebuttals. My plan doesn’t work too well.

Old Morpheus grabs me as soon as I finish a cold snack, turkey and cheese on rye, ½ bag of potato chips and a Claussen sour tomato. I manage to brush my teeth, turn on the bedroom t.v. and sleep like a baby in its swaddling clothes. Guns blast, a car crashes I roll over and see 2:15 on the digital clock. Law and Order is in a serial mode, has been on all day and evening. Lenny has captured a dozen killers, bank robbers. What did I miss? 6 or 7 episodes but it doesn’t matter I figure I’ve seen almost all more than once.. That’s when I decide to finish off the chips even if I have to brush my teeth again. I open the hall door and of course, see nobody, go 7 paces left and am at the elevator, going down as usual from the fifth floor to ground zero. While I waited I pondered, I hit ‘up’ but I wanted to go down. The elevator came up and then took me down. Next time, if I remember, I’ll hit down and see if I takes me up to the roof. I didn’t expect to see anyone in the lobby so didn’t even wear a robe. Right, nobody there.

My bare feet touch the cold marble floor. I gasp. Then I double gasp.

From the elevator door to the exit door, I guess 50 feet, drops of blood are no more than 6" apart. Some drops are as big as quarters, a few ½ dollars mixed in, no dimes. The blood looks dry but even so, I am careful not to walk in it. At the exit door I see more blood outside. The door opens automatically from the inside only. My imaginary Sherlock Holmes deer stalking cap is on my head and I follow the trail.
Lenny, Lenny, I need you. Which way does the splatter show the direction of the bullet? Lenny is busy on t.v. and doesn’t answer me. I can’t tell if the person was coming in or going out. At the end of the path I was stymied. It was still night and I couldn’t see where the blood was or wasn’t.

I shut the door and pushed the elevator button. There is only one so it went up. It looked like there had been blood on the elevator too, but it was very pale, maybe somebody wiped up a few drops. I hit 5 and didn’t move a hair until the door opened for me. Not expecting a drama, a murder when I went down for the mail, that I forgot to get, my door had been left unlocked. Cautiously I opened it, turning on every light. I went from room to room as I cased the place. Nobody snuck in. What should I do now, Lenny? My decision was to leave a message with our maintenance man. ‘Carl, 501 calling. It’s 3:15 a.m and it looks like a lot of blood on the lobby floor and out to the pavement. Unless you already know what it is from, don’t wash it off. Maybe the sheriff has to be called.’ There was an episode of Law and Order that I had missed somehow. I got back in bed, propped my pillows high and was so comfortable I never saw it.

Daylight woke me. The elevator opened in the lobby and there was an orange barrier up, reading, ‘Wet Floor. Be careful.’ Once I realized the clues were gone I went for a brisk walk. It was so windy I came back in 10 minutes and stopped at Carl’s office only to learn he was away until Fri. His ‘assistant’, Miguel, can say ‘No understand’ very clearly in English. I can understand ‘Si, casa, gracias.’ We could not converse so I acted. I laid down on the floor, pretended I was shot, showed him blood running out of my arm., made out I was mopping up the blood and shook my head with a big, ‘No, No,’ Miguel smiled to me, took his mop that was behind him, pointed to his chest and told me, ‘I mop.’ As well as I could do, I imitated the siren of an an ambulance. He was deaf to my efforts. Nothing left for me to do here, Lenny.

In my apartment I turned on my computer, emailed 4 neighbors, asking for information of the blood splatter. The new 2009 resident list of numbers had errors. 3 numbers didn’t exist. One went thru but I knew Arnold was away until late afternoon today. I was desperate, had to find out who was hurt or maybe murdered. This was serious stuff. However, I had to control myself and waited until a fairly decent hour to call Jim, 302. ‘Hi, Jim. This is Paula, 501. ‘Are you O.K?’ ‘Yes, Paula. I’m O.K. now that you woke me.’ ‘Did you see all the blood on the lobby floor?’ ‘No, what blood? I came in at 5 and didn’t go down again. What happened?’ ‘Christ, Jim. If I knew, I wouldn’t be calling you. Thanks anyway. Bye.’

I called Joan, 101. That’s the first floor and if anybody knows anything it would be Joan. ‘Hi, Joan, This is Paula, 501. Do you know anything about all the blood on the lobby floor?’ There was a pause and a cough. Joan came back on laughing. ‘Paula, I don’t know how Gerry did it but she leaked grape juice all the way from her car, thru the lobby, every place, even got some on the elevator. It must have been one helluva big bottle.’ You could have knocked me over with a ten ton truck. That really looked like blood. I had done my best trying to check the splatter direction but what I had learned was not enough.

All I was able to say to Joan, I said with indignation, ‘Well if Gerry made that big mess and scared the beejesus out of me. She is a pig, must live in a sty apartment. She should have cleaned up. So long.’ ng at $479