MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

The lady is sitting below the t.v. screen, next to the water cooler, in the doctor’s waiting room. In her hand is a stack of paper cups given by numerous doctors in the complex. They are blue and gray and not much bigger than a thimble. I ask her why she is sitting under the t.v. when she can see better from several empty chairs. ‘I have to drink a lot of water,’ she replies, and might as well sit right here.’ ‘I’ll tell you what. You carry two cups, I’ll take three over to the table and you will be comfortable.’ My nice suggestion is turned down and I look at her again and believe she is an idiot.

Having left my exasperating wait and huge unexpected cost to do niggling things at the car shop, I have to make another nearby stop at the Deafness Center to get an additional assisted phone for my apartment. The one I have had for several years is on my seldom used desk in the spare room. It has been a blessing except that I am usually in my den or bedroom when a call comes in. Those phones do not have extra volume so I ask the caller to please hold on while I go to the other phone. Too often I forget to turn off the T.V. so that background noise destroys the advantage of my special phone. ‘ Please hold another minute. I have to go in the den to turn off the T.V. I’ll be right back!’ I run and return.. The call is from a sheriff who wants a donation. My ire takes fire. Impolitely, I slam down the phone. When I try to make a call after those experiences, 90% of the time, I can’t. My phone line is dead. ‘Darn it!’ I yell at myself. ‘Dummy, again you forgot to hang up the den phone.’

My stop today is to buy a duplicate phone for the one I have. Before driving to the Center, I call A T & T who offers me a walk around small, extra volume phone for $139. It is not what I want. I amaze myself and find the original box my first free phone was in, read a lot of words until I come to, ‘Second phone free.’ Wow, I’ll get that–until I read the bottom line. I must choose from the styles offered- for speech defects, text messaging, ability to read messages, none of the 6 types offered fit my needs. All I want is a duplicate of what I have. I learn when I call that the second one will cost me $39.95. ‘Super. Hold one for me. I’ll be in tomorrow.’ I find the building, park and then walk totally around the building finding no entrance door. How can that be? I go again and see a small wooden stairway, partially covered by fronds, walk down and lo and behold there is a door–and also an elevator, push five and crawl upward. There is a long hall with names on every door, none showing Deafness Center. At the last door, I hear voices inside, find the door locked and knock. ‘Oh’, says the gentleman. ‘Go back to the elevator and there is a left turn to another hall. Deafness is the last office.’ Wishing I had hiking boots, I set out.

The office is in the process of re-decoration. It is necessary for me to walk over rolls of carpeting, be careful of open paint cans. ‘Ah, Dr. Livingstone, I presume,’ when I see a man with a name tag ‘Fred.’ He doesn’t get my meaning but is friendly and takes me into his office, clears a chair of papers and I sit. In a few minutes he brings a box with the new phone, types some things on his computer and says to me 79.80. ‘What? I was told yesterday the phone is $39.95. How could the price jump like that in one day?’ Fred breaks up laughing. He was posting my address, not price. I had to laugh myself. ‘May I charge the phone or do you want a check?’ ‘Whatever you like, will be fine.’ My trusty Visa is in my hand in a minute. Fred types it into his computer, prints it and hands me the bill, $140.05 including tax! Now I am upset. ‘What about the $39.95 phone I was to pick up today?’ Fred says I must not have heard the One on the phone. Of course, I didn’t because the woman didn’t say 139.95. ‘Fred, I was on my hearing assisted phone and heard her perfectly . She did not say One.’ Fred is not finished the good news. I will now own the phone and if there is any trouble, I must contact the maker and pay for service. If my first free phone goes out of order the Deafness Center replaces it free. The new one is not a bargain.

I went for it anyhow. Now I have a belly full, two hearing assisted phones, a blasting headache, nausea, more convenience and more bills for dessert.