DEAR SO AND SO

‘You know what, Marshall? I’ve come to a point in my life I have to tell you something, something I’ve lived with and accepted much too long. Hold your tongue and anger, just read and if you blow up, I’ll be glad. Don’t bother replying, I’m not going to open anything more from you. You are going to write me off and I don’t care.

Marshall, I’ve never, never liked you, going back to our kindergarten days when Miss Wolfe put you in charge of giving out our daily battle of milk and a straw. You always bent my straw, dropped it on the dirty floor. I had to ask Miss Wolfe for a clean one every time. She called me ‘Careless.’ That was plain mean, Marshall.

And we fought all the time. You’ve always been taller and smarter than I was and you flaunted it, made fun of me. Your voice has grated on me for as long as I can remember. Think about the many times you made me go see Tom Mix on Saturdays even though my favorite, Hopalong, was playing at the Rialto, right next door. And then you really hurt me. You took away my first girlfriend, Phyllis. I put a hex on you that worked a little. She didn’t like you very long and kissed Harold behind the apple tree in her back yard. Phyllis didn’t come back to me either.

Now that you have grown up and are getting old, I realize you are a rat fink. Lies, you lie to me, tell lies about me. Some of your nasty stuff has come back. True the teller shouldn’t have spread the ugliness you put out there but you were my friend and should never have passed dirt on.

And where is the fifty bucks you ‘borrowed’ last year to pay off a gambling bet? It’s time to pay me off. Send me my money and include thr $125 I had to pay to repair my car! You know it was your fault you scraped my grey Camry in my driveway with your red car. I wasn’t even home.

And how about the time, not too long ago, you brought me a dirty sex book while I was recuperating from my by heart surgery? Smart, Marshall? No it was dumb, stupid!

This is it. I have let off some of the boiling steam I’ve carried around and want it off my back and you out of my life. ‘

I seal and stamp the letter, put it on the small table near the front door and will personally hand it to the mail man when he comes this afternoon.ANDY_____________________________________________________ Dear Andy,

Today is my 50th birthday and I’ve been enjoying it, looking at old 8 millimeter films, photo albums, a few silly mementos and you were everywhere. You have been a big, important part of my life. You’ve made me laugh so many times. ‘I’d tease you, argue with you and you’d try to it me, get back at me. The more you tried, the angrier you got, the more I teased you. I still laugh but now that my toys are gone and I’m a big man, I realize I was wrong and want to apologize to you.

You blamed me for taking your first girlfriend away, but I didn’t. Phyllis, that was her name, wasn’t it? She was a goofy boy crazy girl who liked little Kenny and kept trying to make him jealous. Did you know she married that shrimp who grew to be 6'2"?

And didn’t I give you ½ of my Good ‘n Plentys at the Sat. movies and never took any of your Walnettos in exchange? Whenever you got in any kind of trouble, big or little, I was there for you, wasn’t I? Remember I got your impounded car off the police lot and never told you wife it was over parked at a strip joint? Anything I ever discussed with our friends that concerned you was not new stuff. It was already passed around. If you think I instigated any rumors, you are wrong. You are my friend, my best friend.

By the way, enclosed is my check for the $175 I owe you. Let’s get the guys together for a gin game soon. OK?

Marshall