STAND BY ME

Time can fly. A moment can be an entire stage play, with only one ending–the curtain comes down. Curtain calls rarely happen when tubes are in every orifice; when saline drips drops that sound like thunder; when a slow heart suddenly clip clops like a horse training for the Preakness.

Jay is pale. His yellow, dry skin no longer absorbs the daily moisturizers. For much of his lingering time, he sleeps, no longer snores. I miss that familiar sound and wonder now why I used to kick him or bang on his back to stop it, let me sleep.

Miss Flagstad comes in, empties the urine bag, checks Jay’s vital signs, lowers his thin blanket and gently massages his bed sores. He knows I’m by his side and whispers thanks to me and turns towards the twilight forcing its way into his window.

The supper cart rattles in. I crank up Jay’s bed enough so he can lean against 2 pillows. His face is sweaty. I wash it softly with a cool cloth and then run a comb thru the few gray hairs he still has on his head. He looks at me, smiles. As best as he can he tells me he loves me. There is orange Jell-O on his tray, not his favorite flavor, but he manages to swallow a cube. The tomato soup doesn’t look too terrible. As I put a spoonful towards his lips, he smacks my hand away and in a voice stronger than I have heard in days, he yells at me. ‘For god’s sake, tell me what you are feeding me before you toss something at me. I have to know what is coming!’ His face is knotted, angry. My apologies are accepted as I had never considered a situation like this.

Time to break the anger and I laugh out loud, ’OK, Honey, here comes the choo choo. Open wide. Vanilla ice cream is coming in.’ Jay starts to laugh and almost chokes. Taking control he rests a bit and falls to sleep again.

It is not yet dark and I wish I could get a little sleep myself. The door opens and in come two husky men pushing a guerny. They maneuver next to Jay and begin to lift him onto it. My faculties come alive! ‘What are you doing? Where are you taking him?’ The taller man tells me the patient is due in radiation. ‘You are taking him nowhere. Get the devil out of here. You must be in the wrong room!’ ‘We have orders Ma’ am.’ ‘Yes you do. MY orders, leave Mr. Tatum alone.’ They push the clickety clack guerny out the door and I never hear from them again but the head nurse gets a mouthful from me. What would have happened to Jay had I not been with him? Would a leg have been amputated? The possibilities boggle my imagination. A new fear clutches my heart.

The night nurse arrives and I pounce on her. ‘ Have the lounge chair near the window removed now. Have a single cot brought in, with a decent pillow and cover. I am sleeping here next to my husband from this moment on. Put the charge on my bill. I am staying!’

Jay stirs and makes an attempt at clapping his hands. ‘Good for you, Darling. I do feel better when you are here. While I still can remember, go to the lower drawer in my desk, find my will and the letters that are in a red rubber band. Do it before my big breakfast comes and you feed me. I only want the letter addressed to Adele. It tore my heart out to write it, to have disowned her, but she broke mine first.’

The mushy oatmeal is almost cold when I return with the letter. I put a pen in Jay’s hand. With his faltering fingers he manages to add, ‘I loved you little girl no matter what you did, where your path took you. I forgive you.’ The pen falls on the floor. Jay closes his eyes for a moment. I hear a low rattle, a gasp. His eyes open and he is gone.