YONTIF SMILE: FAMILY TALK

‘I found it! I found it! Daddy, I found it!’ ‘What, what did you find that makes you carry on so much?’ ‘Oh, Daddy, you know what I found.’‘No, I don’t. If it is so important tell me, what did you find.’ ‘I found the piece of matzoh.’ ‘Which piece is that, Becky? There are dozens of pieces of matzoh all over the kitchen.’ ‘I found the broken piece under your chicken soup bowl.’ Well, Child, I didn’t put it there and if a piece magically found it’s way there without spilling my soup, SOMEBODY put it there.’ ‘Selma, come close. Did you put the matzoh under my soup bowl?’ ‘Yes, David, if you didn’t, who else could have done it?’

‘Well, Daughter, that means you win and get a prize. What would you like?’ ‘I know, I know, I want what that lady on T.V got, the show that makes so much noise and you said you wish you could get on it. I want a million dollars!’ ‘Becky, be sensible for your six years. If I had a million dollars, I wouldn’t want to be on that show. Pick something else.’ ‘Oooh, ooh, I know. I want a little glass of red wine for YONTIF.’ ‘Sorry, you can’t have that either. You are too young to drink wine.’ ‘But Daddy, Sarah next door has some and she is the same age I am. Why can’t I have just a little bit?’ ‘I already told you why. Don’t ask again! Maybe next year I’ll let you take a taste.’

‘Becky, how would you like another piece of Mama’s delicious gefilte fish for a prize?’ ‘Oh, Daddy, it’s ichy. When Mama wasn’t looking I put my piece in a paper napkin and threw it in the garbage can.’ ‘Becky, Becky, that was not a nice thing to do, but as long as you were doing it, why didn’t you take mine, too?’ We both laughed. ‘So what’s so funny, Shmendrek?’ You should only know, Mama. You might laugh too or maybe cry. Don’t ask!’ ‘Becky and I just want this to be our secret. OK?’

‘Let’s get back to business. Selma, what should Becky get for finding the matzoh? ‘ I don’t know about that but do know she should get a whipping for throwing my delicious gefilte fish in the garbage. I saw you.’ ‘ You are wrong, Selma. Becky didn’t throw her fish in the garbage she threw mine for me. Your big, important Cha Cha cat helped herself to a big bite out of mine. That’s what our little girl did for me.’‘Excuse me, Becky, Dahling. I’m, sorry I accused you of doing something bad. How would you like a little glass of wine?’ ‘Yes, Mama. I would like that. Thank you.’

‘Becky, Mama and I have your Matzoh present ready. It is in one of my shoes and you have to pick the right one or get nothing because you took the wine from Mama when I said you couldn’t have it. Want to take a chance? Columbus did!’ ‘ What do you mean, Daddy?’ ‘Mama, come watch. See what Becky gets, a present or a spanking.’

‘Daddy, stand still. Stop wiggling your toes. How can I decide? OK, give me the shoe on your right foot.’ Sit down. ‘ Now, Becky, you have to untie the lace and pull very hard to get my shoe off my tired foot.’‘It’s off. I did a good job. Money, money! How much can I buy with $5 dollars, Daddy.’ ‘A lot, a lot!’

‘Can I look in the other show to see what I would get in the whipping shoe? Let me pull your other shoe off. Another $5 bill.’ ‘Daddy that is not fair. I did throw out Mama’s gefilte fish and you lied so Mama wouldn’t holler at me. We both should be punished Let’s do this, we wiil each have only one slice of mama’s honey cake, with a little bit of lemon sherbet and I won’t have any wine next holiday. I didn’t like it anyhow. You can have your second five dollar back and I won’t have to learn the four questions for the next holiday. Deal, Daddy?’

‘Can’t make a deal yet, Becky. I’ll have to see if your cousin Israel comes so he can ask the questions.’ ‘In the meantime, study.’