HOLD THE PASTA

On Monday, Wednesday and Saturday we work side by side at a popular Subway diner. I put the meat, tuna, cheese on the buns once Ellie has the lettuce, shredded cabbage set in place. She slobbers whatever the customers want on top. It never ceases to amaze me how red and perfectly even the daily tomatoes are. The lettuce is clean, dried and crispy. The salami, roast beef have some substance not like the shaved thin meats in other diners. And what a bargain customers get when they cut the Sunday coupon from the paper, ‘buy one, get one free.’ If I didn’t need this job, I’d eat here any way.

One hot Saturday our A.C. went kerplooey, As customers walked in, most turned and walked out. Without an okay, Ellie and I gave away cold drinks to those who would order take out. Mr. Baer, the boss, thanked us because the refrigeration allowed us to keep most items overnight. His loss was minor.

Wednesday noon is usually the busiest time of the week. Ellie and I keep the food counter neat, in order, clean but can’t keep the floor behind the counter or in front of it constantly clean. Mr. Bauer is well aware of the situation and we now have a one man sweeper, mopper, garbage remover from 11 to 1 every day. As soon as he came in to work, I was sure he was a derelict from the re-hab center. Freddie is a mess himself, how is he going to clean Subway? He works haphazardly Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday, no Freddie. I call my boss’s house and ask him to come over and give us a hand. I know he doesn’t appreciate my advice but either this place gets cleaned up soon or the Department of Health will close it. The food is good, inexpensive. Ellie and I wear plastic gloves, don’t touch the food at all. As careful as we try to be, food does overflow the tray, does drop out the ends of our foot long subs.

It’s late for the derelict, Freddie, to come in but I see him as he opens the door. He looks mean, angry, motions to Ellie and me and roughly says seven words, ‘Open the cash register and shut up.’ I walk past the pastrami, hard boiled eggs, and surprise myself by thrusting my hands into the tomato slices and throwing them at Freddie, Subway’s former employee. Ellie fills her hands with pickle relish and aims at Freddie’s eyes. Together we almost clobber him. ‘Stop, stop,’ he yells. We pay no attention to his plea. A customer opens the door and gets a face full of mustard. He backs out and runs like a wapiti with a gnu after him. I catch a fast glimpse of him pulling his cell out of his pants pocket.Ellie grabs the broom and is hitting Freddie. He grabs it away and whacks her over her head. ‘Enough,’ he screams as he reaches the door and there are the mighty police, six of them, armed with billy clubs and tasers. They are bound by law to capture him but loathe the idea of touching the garbage heap.

Mr. Bauer arrives, huffing and puffing, glancing everywhere at once. He slides a few feet on some soggy lettuce but holds on to the counter and avoids falling. Ellie and I stop to breathe. I see her as a beat up clown and she says I look like hell twice over. We burst out laughing, can’t stop until we drop. Boss Man is taking pictures of everything, making hurried calls to a cleaning service, to his insurance company when he sees Ellie and can’t restrain himself from laughing. ‘Ellie, I’ll send you a picture of your carrot covered hair and the chunk of pineapple on your apron. Do your best to clean yourself up fast and make a sign for the door ‘Closed until Friday. Remodeling.’ ‘ What do I make it on?’ ‘Slide into the stock room and use a piece of a big carton.’ ‘And what do I write with, Sir?’ ‘Ketchup will look nice. Stand the bottle upside down when you finish. We don’t want to mess this place up, do we?’

He stops Ellie before she gets where he sent her. ‘Wait, wait a minute. I have something to say NOW. You two have cost me a lot of money and aggravation., but we are all lucky. The police notified me Freddie was carrying a box cutter. He could have killed you. You two are great kids and if your parents let you, be here Monday about 10. Let them not worry, my insurance will cover your clothes. You are heroes. Everything will be ship shape and sanitized by Monday. And you each will have a small raise in your envelope next pay day plus my gratitude.

‘Ellie, go. Make the sign and make it big enough to be read from across the street. ‘Opening Fri. Special on foot long subs. Buy one get TWO free.’