WAKE UP CALL

I don’t like the ones that make me gasp for breath, scream, sit bolt upright in my bed, scare the dreams into submission. Where am I? What horror did I pass thru? There is no memory, no explainable cause. All I know is my heart pounds as if Odin were trying to enter. My legs won’t hold me. They wobble and I fall back on my bed. No haunted houses ever appear, no bloody heads hanging loose from battered bodies. It scares me.

In trying to analyze what happens, I have come to the conclusion that electric shocks chase each other thru my brain. The blond hair on my arms wave like new wheat in the wind. I see brilliant lights bursting in air, glowing reds, yellows. There is no peace. A moment of thought and I don’t have any idea how long I slept. Dreams that are beautiful, seem to take a lifetime, only cause REMs for less than a minute. How long did I suffer, try to wake up? I don’t know. There have been times when my senses settle down that I feel my husband’s arms around me. I peep at him thru my fingers and see sweat on his face. Fright is fright and we share it.

Last nite it happened again and I believe I know the cause. I’m a big fan of Law and Order. Probably I’ve seen every episode more than once. I can sleep like a baby on a cloud of marshmallows, yet something must have struck my subconscious, sent shocks throughout my pale gray matter. The story was about a child abuser who did his foul deed and murdered 25 innocents. Naturally, he was caught, tried and was to die in the electric chair. Of course the theatrics of sparks flying from his head, burning flesh, was not a pretty sight but no worse than the dozens of other Law and order shows I’ve seen. Yet there I was, lying on the floor, threshing, yelling, until my husband saved me.

No more, no more. I heard the call and will revert to nonsense, serenity, comedy, musicals, Hershey bars until I puke from the absurdity of sweetness. I try ‘American Idol,’ ‘Desperate Housewives,’ stretch my limits to Jay Leno and give up. The new fall shows are full of action and inaction. None appeal.

Tuesday and Friday nights are Law & Order re-runs. I sit in the comfy den lounger so I don’t kick, scream, fall on the floor and enjoy my hour. My husband sits beside me and I watch unafraid.