SAUSAGE HIS OWN

‘You don’t have to tell me, Millard. I know I eat too much of the wrong things and I’m fat! So just go to hell and leave me alone. When I’m ready, maybe I’ll meet you there.’ I’m on a roll and can’t constrain myself. “Do I tell you to stop seeing pros? That you had better see a doctor before it’s too late?’ Millard boils. ‘You’re damn right you do, Jerkess. You tell me not to wear amulets and dangling earrings You criticize my beautiful tattoos. I get enough, more than enough, from my father and don’t need your nagging, so, shut up already.’ I walk away and leave him babbling to thin air.

He has an appointment to get little hearts tattooed around his left nipple. The door to Jim’s Tattoo Emporium is wide open. As soon as Jim sees Millard he shuts off the buzzing needle to say, ‘Hi, Millie. Ready for the hearts?’ ‘Yeah, Jim, I’m ready but are you ready for a punch in the nose? I’ve warned you to stop calling me Millie. That’s a girl’s name. Mine is Millard, like Millard Fillmore the 13th President of the United States. How long are you going to be? I’ve got other things to do beside waiting while you tattoo the young girl who is clearly underage and didn’t have an appointment.’ Millard has said his piece and goes down the street for a latte with lady fingers–no chocolate.’

The afternoon is bubbling over with sunshine. The normal blue sky looks like it is aquamarine today. The warm orange ball is almost directly over my head. It’s noon. That’s my signal for lunch. I have started my diet today, skipped my 10 a.m. donuts and will use Sweet ’n Low in my iced tea instead of sugar, try to leave the mayo off my low salt Muenster on lightly toasted whole wheat bread. Juniors’ is packed. I wait in the slow singles line, barely move. After ten agonizing minutes of no movement, I ask the guy behind me if he would like to join me so we can get in another line. With a slight nod, he agrees and says, ‘Separate checks. OK?’ We move. I look him over and wonder what was my hurry?

He says nothing, concentrates totally on the menu. I put out my hand and tell him my name is Phyllis. ‘Really?’ he asks. ‘That’s a coincidence, mine’s Phillip. His eyes go right back to the menu. Not until the waitress appears do we say another word, until his mouth moves, ‘You order first.’ ‘Lo/salt Muenster, lettuce, tomato on whole wheat lightly toasted, iced tea and please bring two Sweet ‘n Low. I don’t like the Equal on the table. Thanks.’ Phil looks at me and the man does speak, ‘Why don’t you order something more substantial, Phyllis. A bird will starve on that.’ I get snippy. ‘Mind your own business.’ Phil orders a ham and cheese omelet, extra cheese, home fries and slaw, 2 sesame rolls. And save me a piece of that gorgeous cherry cheese cake on top of the counter. See, it has my name on it!.’

My stomach begins to growl as my eyes try to block out the coming image. I stiffen my resolve and wait for my sick looking sandwich. Phil’s omelet not only looks like the chef at the Waldorf made it, it smells like I think heaven must smell. Phil realizes I am uneasy and offers to share his ricotta cheese cake later. It hurts to say it, but I do, ‘No thanks.Silently I pray for somebody to help me, chain my arms to a chair, pour water over my head, save me from the monster cheese cake. Phil eats his omelet slowly, relishing every bite. I shift my chair so I can only see part of his meal.

Most desserts are costly and small, but this cheese cake will easily be enough for him and me and Coxey’s army. The ‘perfect’ waitress has brought an extra plate and fork for me. Phil starts to cut his down the middle but I stop his hand mid-slice. I think I see relief in his face. He eats it all and licks the fork. ‘Phyllis, your lunch, including tip is $5.’ I give him a fiver and we both leave together.

I am hungry and triumphant. I lived thru watching the over-weight hulk stuff himself. It wasn’t easy but I did it, knowing that this was a good lesson for me. I was on my way to becoming a filled Phil. Next time I stop for lunch alone, I resolve to stay in the single line, leave off mayo, use no sugar and slim down.

All I can do is try.