LOVE OUT OF BLOOM

May 1 my youth took a blow. Harvey and I broke up. We had been a teen thing for over a year. Everybody thought we would get married soon or later, including us. Our parents disapproved and will surely be glad to hear the news when I am able to tell them.

In the hall mirror at the top of the stairs I see a me I don’t know. My eyes are bloodshot. My lips are pale. Crying has washed away the little eye make up I wear. Did I comb my hair this morning? The mirror tells me ‘no’. There is no solace in my room. On the closet door hangs my gorgeous blue somewhat slinky prom gown. All it needs is a hemming and all I need is a cup of hemlock. When I plop on my bed, the springs creak. I pull my Dacron pillow over my head, close my eyes and want to stop breathing. My lungs have a will of their own.

Footsteps, Mom’s footsteps, are not what I want to hear at the moment, but they are coming in. ‘Go away, Mother. Just let me alone.’She says not a word, turns, goes downstairs and lets me be. I jump out of bed and hurry to the railing. ‘Mother, can you return my prom dress? I won’t be wearing it.’ She comes to the step. ‘Elly, what’s your hurry? Let’s wait until Friday. Maybe things will change.’ ‘Right, Mom. Friday you may be burying me. Take the dress back.’ I return to my solitude, don’t want to talk to anybody, which is perfect. Nobody is calling me. ‘Mother, if Harvey calls, tell him I went to the movies with Janet. He’ll believe you.’

The June ‘82 yearbook is lying open on my night stand, just the way I left it when I kissed Harvey’s picture good night only yesterday. I bang it closed and, like a fool, toss it under my bed. As I stand up a tiny speck of light touches my soggy mind. Harvey isn’t the only person in my book. My friends are there. From the hall closet I get the dust mop and with it I retrieve my book, take a cuticle scissors, small but sharp. Poof, Harvey is in shreds, just like my heart. Somehow, that makes me feel better. He started the argument and I finished it for good. ‘Elly, phone. It’s Alice. Are you coming down?’ Murdering Harvey with my cuticle scissors is incentive enough to wake me. I don’t need him. He doesn’t need me. Here I come, Mother.’

‘Hi, Alice. What’s new?’ There is a bit of hesitation on both ends of the line. ‘Saturday Maggie and I are having lunch at the mall and then going to see a movie. Friday we’ll have a list of shows and will choose then. What do you say?’ I say, ‘Sure, why not?’ Alice continues. ‘You asked what’s new. The economic slump is not over and Sylvia Sondheim fell down her front steps and broke her left leg.’ ‘What a shame, Alice, but I have my own problems. See you Saturday.’

The day has no end. Night is endless. Sleep comes in 1/2 hour spurts. Echoes of Harvey’s harsh words are a blur. Mine are loud and mean and come out as gibberish. I switch on my lamp, open my year book, re-read the good wishes, the wise cracks. The hole in page 36 was stupid. I cut up Mary Griffin who was on the back of Harvey. Hell, I liked her.Too late, done is done.

Sylvia Sondheim broke her leg? Hmmmn. More slowly, more carefully, I study my classmates. Sylvia wasn’t going with anyone special but I know she dated Ralph Beck a few times. I lay the thought to rest until Saturday. ‘Alice, do you know if Ralph Beck has a prom date?’ How should I know, Elly? Ask him.’ ‘Oh, no. You ask him for me. Will you?’ ‘I don’t want to but what are friends for?’

Ralph calls me Saturday night and invites me to be his date. I call to Mom, ‘Hey, Mom, did you take my gown back to the store yesterday?’ ‘No, Honey, I was busy. I’m going this afternoon.’ ‘Don’t bother, Smarty Pants. Get an appointment for me with the dressmaker. My gown needs shortening.’