MAMA, DEAREST

I’m only ten (an only child) and have lots of likes and don’t likes, maybe too many of each. What I like best is my bedroom, Mama spent a lot of time planning, making it everything a little girl growing up would like. Not once did she make a choice without first asking me what I want, then telling Daddy what we both wanted.

That their room is bigger than mine is the way it is supposed to be–and is. My room is sunshine. The walls are yellow, a soft, happy yellow. Near the window is a white rattan chair. I didn’t know what rattan was so Mama took me to the furniture store and showed me. Oooh, I didn’t like it. Then she showed me the yellow and orange cushions and pillows that go with it and the chair became beautiful. On the floor next to my bed is a large, round, orange colored plushy mat. Every time I step on it I take a sip of orange juice. There is a framed painting of suns, two suns, in the sky with rays of light coming from a pale blue sky that I did in the second grade. It hangs over my bureau. In the linen closet there are always clean, crisp yellow and white checked pillow cases and solid yellow sheets. No matter what the day is like, I’m happy breathing sunshine.

Sometimes I laugh to myself, or even let the laughter loose when Mama gets angry at me, tells me to apologize and go to my room. In a second, I kiss her on the cheek, say, ‘I’m sorry, Mama’ and fly upstairs on gossamer wings. Even with gray sunshine, from my window I can see flowers growing, watch the weeping willow that planted itself in our yard. Mother doesn’t really like sad things but loves this one because it chose to live with us. It does look like it is crying but when the spring wind brushes its branches, it seems to dance. Wearing my pretty yellow sweater with the matching cap Aunt Mollie knitted for me, I can sit in the grass and let the tree hula for me.

Winter comes. Snow falls and covers everything. Now and then a sparrow dots the white. Mama comes to my room to take my temperature. She doesn’t tell me how much I have. It can’t be a lot because I am chilled and want another blanket. Mama brings me a cup of hot tea with honey in it. It warms my throat and chest

I am taking a trip in a golden chariot led by 4 horses that have wings I can see thru. White clouds part and there is a fence and a gate. Above that there is sunshine. Mama and Daddy wave to me. They are holding each other and crying.