NO END IN SIGHT

I was standing on the corner, unwrapping the crinkly brown wrapper of a Hershey bar. At the small Italian restaurant that Johnny and I just left, I had passed up dessert. Johnny is a body building freak who watches my ‘no-no’ sweets as well as the rest of me.

The fabulous pleasure of the chocolate on my tongue is gone. Verboten has a bitter taste. It stops my delight for only a minute. I take two small squares of chocolate and let them melt in my mouth, cling to my teeth. The varoom of Johnny’s motorcycle got louder. I had mis-judged how long it would take him to use the men’s room and walk a few blocks to unchain his bike from a lamp post.

I spit out the remains of my fix, ran my tongue over my teeth, spit a few times and hoped my deceit would not be noticed as the wind blew away the smell. Johnny stopped only long enough for me to get into the jump seat and off we went. He had no trouble as he carefully pulled into light traffic, yet, without glancing at me, he knew. ‘Carole, where did you get that chocolate? You sneaked it into your purse, didn’t you? How can I trust you with anything if you are dishonest with me?’ I had no answer. Johnny was right. But, he wouldn’t let it go and so we argued, said mean things. ‘All I wanted was a little taste, 2 squares that are much smaller than they used to be. Would that do me in, make me sick, fat?’

At the next red traffic signal Johnny turned right, rode two blocks and pulled to the curb. ‘Why are we stopping, Honey? This is a quiet street. Your bike will sound like a war zone or electric thunder to these people.’ ‘Carole, you can get out of your seat now and walk home. I’ll ride near you to make you feel safe. The calories you didn’t spit out are already clogging your arteries. GO!’

‘Go?! What’s the matter with you, you freakin’, crazy health nut? I’m not walking.’ ‘Fine with me. Use your cell and call a cab. You can eat the rest of your junk on your way home.’

Instead of walking in the direction Johnny pointed me, I turned around and headed back to the restaurant. Visions of his huge green salad, slopping over with beans, raw veggies I didn’t recognize, topped with a few drops of virgin oil and pepper made me gag. My dinner was death for me in his mind but for me it was a super meal and that was what made him become the Grumble Master and attack my ways.

‘Johnny, you have gone too far, have touched too many wrong buttons. Please be kind enough to take me home for the last time. You must have your choice of thinner, prettier ladies in your health class, ladies who care about the strict regime you insist on, maybe lie too.’

‘Hop on, Carole. You are going for a ride the likes of which you’ve never had.’ We started so quickly, so fast, I had trouble with my seat belt. The wind took my breath away. My shouting, ‘Slow down, Johnny. Slow down!’ didn’t reach him thru his helmet. I couldn’t hear myself either. We must have been doing 70 in a residential area. Johnny turned into my street and must have skidded on an oil slick. He crashed us into a parked van.

Everything went black until it all went white. Nurses uniforms, the bed, the walls, a cast on my leg were glaring white. I lay there wondering how I got to this place and cried, out loud, ‘Help, Nurse. Where is my Johnny?’ The door opened and in walked a black nurse wearing a white nurse’s cap and starched white uniform. Her face was a delight. She smiled but I could not smile back, until I saw movement behind her, Jimmy. He came close, kissed the top of my head and showed me a three lb. box of Dove chocolates, tied with a big red bow.‘Get better fast, Carole, so we can eat these together,’ He made me think he was a child again and had been spanked by his father. He was repentant. I squeezed his hand just enough for him to know I forgave him.

Johnny stayed five more minutes before the nurse asked him to leave.He bent over me, kissed me again, very softly on my lips, and left.